Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: Ever get the feeling that everything happens only to script in the Pokémon RPGs? Well, THIS Sapphire Version story is a little bit different... Rated for violence, sex, and that other stuff.
1. Getting Around Littleroot Town!

_**Authoress' Notes:** W00t! Ths story's finally back! I almost gave up on it, but it survived! **IMPORTANT NOTE!** The main character, Marina, is NOT the one from the movie! Marina is the name of MY female character in Ruby/Sapphire! Just in case you were confused... and now..._

**_

* * *

_**

**_Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!_**

_**Chapter 1:** Getting Around Littleroot Town!

* * *

_

_A moving truck speeds down Petalburg City, swerving uncontrollably and almost hitting pedestrian novice Pokémon Trainers standing in the road doing nothing whatsoever!_

The guy who was driving the truck, who was a Machoke, honked the horn! **"MACHOKE! MACHOKE! MACHOKE!"**

One pedestrian novice Trainer just barely jumped out of the way of the speeding truck! Cleary pissed off, he shook his fist at the Machoke! "LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, JACKASS!"

_The Machoke didn't find being called a jackass very nice OR funny, so he threw a lamp the Trainer, knocking him out, or killing him! It didn't really matter, just as long as he was shut up!_

_Along with all of the furniture and stuff in the back, a 13-year-old girl named Marina, the hero of this story, is trying her best not to throw up, due to the Machoke's reckless driving!_

Marina kicked a box out of the way! "Damn! These Pokémon can't drive for beans! UGH! I hope we get there soon, or I'm gonna be flat up against this thing!"

_Suddenly the truck stops, sending boxes flying everywhere! The doors open and a Machoke suddenly grabs Marina!_

Marina wiggled around in a panic! "What the... **HEY! PUT ME DOWN, YOU MUSCLEBOUND FREAK! MOM, HELP! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED! HE'S A CHILD MOLESTER!"**

Coming out of the house, Mom waved her hands around in irritation! "SHH! You want the whole world to hear you?"

_Abruptly, the Machoke put Marina down and dusted her off. Seeing as she was now "free", she ran to Mom!_

Marina frowned! "What the hell was he doing?"

Mom rolled her eyes. "Oh, Marina, do hush up! That Machoke did nothing wrong!"

_The evil Machoke from hell answered that statement with an evil smile!_

Marina sweatdropped. "Okay..."

Mom decided to change the subject before someone got hurt! " Do you like our new home?"

"No, I hate it..." Marina sarcastically grumbled.

Being the idiot she was, Mom smiled! "Good! Now go inside and set your clock!"

Marina rolled her eyes and went inside. "Whatever..."

_Inside, the house looks as if Marina had BEEN living there the whole time! Everything looks and feels like Marina and her Mom had never moved!_

Marina made a face. "Mom, how long have you been here?"

Mom cleared her throat! "About 15 minutes, why?"

Marina threw her arms up! "The house looks like we've been LIVING here!"

Mom sweatdropped. "What makes you say that?"

"Are you sure you didn't drive here earlier this morning and make me ride in the back of that stinky truck with all of our stuff?" Marina asked, cocking an eyebrow!

"Go upstairs and set the clock your Dad got for you!" Mom demanded, pushing Marina to her room!

"Yeah, yeah..." Marina mumbled, walking upstairs.

Once Marina was out of sight, Mom sighed a breath of relief! "WHEW! It's a good thing she didn't notice that this IS our original house! The Machoke did a good job of moving it for us!"

* * *

_Upstairs, Marina checks out her "new" room!_

Marina kicked the door! "New room, my ass! Mom just moved the house somehow! This is our old one! Oh, well, at least my GameCube is here!" And so, Marina allowed the GameCube to engulf her in its... um... Cubeiness...

_10 minutes later, Mom comes in to see Marina playing SSBM! Uh oh!_

"Young lady, I told you to set your clock!" Mom scolded!

_Marina ignored her and laughs at the totally awesome SSBM!_

"FORGET IT!" Mom sighed, leaving!

* * *

_Marina ignored her and laughs at the totally awesome SSBM! 10 minutes later, Marina came down the stairs, tried of killing Capt. Falcon and occasionally Ganondorf on SSBM!_

"I fixed the stupid clock, but why is it still daytime outside! It's 8:46pm, for God sakes!" Marina complained!

"Marina! Marina! Come quick! Hurry, look! Dad's on TV!" Mom called ignoring Marina's griping.

Marina ran over to the tube. Dad? Really! Wow! I haven't seen him since the two of you ran out on each other!"

Mom sweatdropped. "Don't remind me..."

"This has been Jerry Whiltford at the Petalburg Gym! Until tomorrow, see ya! ...But really... 'Norman'? And he trains Normal types?" the TV News Reporter mumbled!

_Quiet chuckling can be heard off-screen as an Aggron appears in the background motioning "Cut"! The screen then goes black!_

Marina sweatdropped. "Well, that was stupid..."

Mom sighed. "Oh... it's over...I think Dad was on but we missed him..."

Marina rolled her eyes! "No, duh!"

"Dinner'll be ready in a few hours, so why don't you go visit our new neighbors? They are some very good friends of your father," Mom said, going over to sit at the table!

Marina walked away. "How 'bout I go upstairs and watch TV?"

Mom threw her outside! "How 'bout I lock the door until you've visited our new neighbors?"

Marina stood up and dusted herself off! "Man, this sucks!"

_The Machoke and their truck were long gone, but the tire marks and broken houses/trees/signs proved their presence in the small town!_

Marina disregarded all this and went next door! "Whatever!"

* * *

_Once next door, she opened the door to the quaint house, but no one appeared to be home..._

Marina peeked inside! "Hello?" When no one answered, she sighed! "That's good...Now I can go back home and..."

_Just then, something went "THUMP!" upstairs!_

Marina looked up and smirked! "Hey, maybe it's a robber or something! Sweet, I'm going up to watch!"

_So, Marina went upstairs and banged on the door the "THUMP!" came from, wanting to get in and watch the robber take stuff and laugh for no apparent reason! All her banging and yelling seemingly went unnoticed, so she broke the door down!_

A white-haired guy sweatdropped. "There goes another Breakable Door..."

Marina pointed at him! "Huh? Who are you?"

The kid with white hair pointed back! "Are you Mr. Norman's kid?"

Marina crossed her arms. "And what if I am?"

"My name's Brendan, if you must know. I knew you were a Gym Leader's kid, but I didn't know you were a girl!" Brendan mocked!

Marina bopped him upside the head! "So what if I'm a girl! We're the better species!"

Brendan cowered in fright! "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Girls are cool! Girls are cool!"

Marina stood, triumphant! "That's right!"

"So, anyway, what are you doing in my house?" Brendan asked cowardly.

"None of your business!" Marina roared!

Brendan sweatdropped. "OK..."

Marina turned to go out the broken door. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now..."

Brendan called after her! "WAIT! HEY! My dad's a professor and I'm about to go help him study!"

Marina stopped and faced Brendan! "What the hell does that got to do with me?"

Brendan smiled awkwardly! "Um...I just wanna make friends, that's all..."

Marina sneered. "Sure... you're OK... I'm in a bad mood now, but I'm usually like this anyway."

Brendan shook her hand! "Super! You wanna go catch Pokémon sometime later?"

Marina yanked away after 3 shakes. "No, I don't like Pokémon..."

Brendan was shocked! "WHAT?"

"**YOU HEARD ME THE FIRST TIME! I DON'T LIKE POKéMON!** Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner to attend..." Then, Marina left!

Brendan was left to think to himself! "Wow... I've never met anyone like her...hmm..."

_Outside, Marina was evilly planning to take over the world! Not really..._

Marina walked about, mindlessly! "Man, this is bogus! I hate this town! Hmm... I know! I'll run away! Yeah, that's it! I'll show 'em... **I'LL SHOW 'EM ALL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!** OK, I need to work on that..."

* * *

_She continues to walk mindlessly until she hears someone shouting..._

"H-help me!"

Marina looked up. "What the...?"

_All of a sudden, a man in a white overcoat comes running out of the bushes with a Poochyena right behind him!_

Climbing into a tree, the weird guy shouted at Marina! "Hey, you! Please help me! Get one of the Poké Balls inside that bag down there and throw it at the Poochyena!"

Marina shrugged! "What? Like it's MY fault you're being chased by a demon dog? I'll just sit here and watch!" And with that, she promptly sat down!

"No! Please! Save me!" The guy pleaded!

Marina smirked! "Hmm... Let me think... NO!"

"Bow wow!" the Poochyena sarcastically barked!

_The guy who was in the tree screamed like a girl, leaving Marina to wonder if he was a homo!_

Marina yawned and started to leave. "OK, this is getting boring... **BAH!** I'm going back home! Maybe I'll run away next week, or something..."

The guy in the coat waved for Marina to come back! "Hey! Come back! Pleeeeeeeeease! Before it's too late!"

Marina refused to turn around! "I don't feel like it..."

"Bow wow!" Poochyena barked again, just to remind everyone that it was still there!

"Come on, little girl! No one is that heartless! Could you at least scare the Poochyena away? Do that much, and I will be eternally grateful!" the guy begged again!

That did it! That was the straw that broke the Camerupt's back! Marina stopped dead in her tracks, with a REALLY evil look on her face! So evil, in fact, it scared the guy in the tree AND the Poochyena! "Little... **_GIRL? FOR YOUR INFORTMATION, I AM NOT A 'LITTLE GIRL!' I AM A TEENAGER! AND I AIN'T HEARTLESS, EITHER! I'M JUST IN A BAD MOOD, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU'VE JUST MADE IT WORSE!" _**Marina stomped over to the bag, causing the ground to shake with each step! **_"I'LL SHOW YOU 'LITTLE GIRL'!"_**

_She kicked the bag over and 3 Poké Balls spilled out! Randomly grabbing one in a rage, she threw it! Not at the Poochyena, not at the tree, and not at a nearby Swellow's nest! Nope, she was aiming for the strange man in the tree! The Poké Ball hit him right between the eyes, causing him to fall to the ground in a daze! OOPS!_

"Ohh... what happened?" the man groaned, in a daze.

_Sweatdropping, the Poochyena looked on in confusion!_

"Next time, watch your mouth!" Marina called to the guy who was now on the ground!

_Just then, the Poké Ball opened in a bright flash of light to reveal a..._

"Mudkip! All right! That was a good choice!" the guy who mostly everyone else except Marina knew!

Marina was shocked! "EGAD! What the heck is that?"

Mudkip said, "Mudkip?"

The Poocheyena felt threatened! "Bow-wow!"

Marina shrugged. "Now, what?"

"Call out one of its attacks!" the man said!

Marina frowned. "Which is..."

"Just tell it to use Water Gun!" the unknown guy said!

"Use Water Gun..." Marina commanded, with no enthusiasm whatsoever!

"Kip!" Mudkip used Water Gun on the Poochyena, K.O.ing it!

Marina smirked. "Well, that was easy..."

_Out of nowhere, the Poochyena suddenly jumped up and bit her!_

Marina kicked it off! **"OW! DAMN IT, DOG!"**

_Seeing as it could no longer get away with doing bad things, the Poochyena ran off howling!_

The guy sighed! "WHEW! That was close! Hey, you over there! Are you alright?"

Marina looked at the bite on her arm. "I think so... but if I get rabies, I'm gonna sue!"

Mudkip looked worried! "Mud?"

"No, I don't think it had rabies...Oh! Sorry, I guess I never introduced myself! The name's Timothy Nicholas Birch, but you can call me Professor Birch!" Birch announced!

Marina sweatdropped. "If you blurt out your entire name to a perfect stranger in real life, I'd hate to see you on a computer..."

Professor Birch sweatdropped! "Anyway, let me see that bite of yours..."

Marina turned away! "I told you, I'm fine!"

Professor Birch sweatdropped again! "That bite is really..."

"All of a sudden... I don't...feel...so...well..." Then Marina fainted! OMG!

Prof. Birch sighed picked Marina up and left! "Ah, well. She'll be fine at the laboratory."

"Mud!" the Mudkip agreed, following!

* * *

_**Later, at Prof. Birch's Lab!**_

Marina moaned crazily in her sleep! "The world is spinning... STOP! In my abode... **THE SKIES ARE FILLED WITH CHICKEN AND COMBUSTING MONKEY HANDLES!"**

The Mudkip from earlier sat on her bed. "I'd better wake her up, yes I should, before she goes crazy, that she might! Wake up now, please!" he asked, shaking her.

Marina opened her eyes in fright! "Huh? WHAT!"

_Lo and behold, a Mudkip is standing on top of her! It looks very worried, but a little withdrawn, too! CUTENESS!_

"Well, I think I've officially gone insane..." Marina scowled.

Mudkip was happy! "That's because something miraculous has happened!"

Marina frowned. "It is?"

"The PokéGods have chosen you to become a Pokémon Master!" Mudkip explained.

Marina scratched her head. "Why?"

Mudkip smiled! "Because you have the spunk! Plus, their old went insane and started eating Pokémon cards..."

"How come you can talk to me?" Marina asked.

Mudkip smiled again! "Magical Pokémon powers! You, and only you, can understand what we Pokémon can say!"

Marina sweatdropped. "All that from a dog bite?"

Mudkip also sweatdropped. "The PokéGods were desprite..."

"So... Now what?" Marina shrugged, standing up.

Mudkip looked around. "Umm...

Then, Prof. Birch busted in! "Good, you're awake! Now..."

"NOW, I will leave and go home! Bye!" Marina shouted running off!

Prof. Birch sat in silence for a moment.**_ "... HOORAY! NOW I CAN PLAY SSBM!"

* * *

_**

_**Authoress' Notes:** And that's it! For the chapter anyway! Don't forget to R&R!_


	2. The Journey Begins!

_**Authoress' Notes: **What? Like you were expecting something else?

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 2:** The Journey Begins!

* * *

_

"When we last left our heroes, they had absolutely no idea where they were going!" said the Stupid Narrator Guy, who was hired at half pay!

Marina threw her arms up! "We haven't left yet, dumbass!"

"No, sir. That we haven't!" Mudkip added.

"**I DON'T KNOW! MIND ON FIRE! STOP THE SHOW! KILL THE UMPIRE! AND A BAG OF DORITOS TO GO, PLEASE!"** the Stupid Narrator Guy shouted hesitantly!

Mudkip sweatdropped. "That man has lost his mind, that he has..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Marina pushed him off a conveniently placed cliff!

"WE WILL BURY YOU!" S.N.G. shouted, dying a most painful and horrible death!

Marina sighed! "Thank god!"

Mudkip sweatsropped, but he smiled! "Oh, dear!"

"Now...let's go out on the road and out of this gayass town!" Marina said, striking a dramatic pose, with dramatic music, glowing background, fanfares, and all that crap!

Mudkip jumped up and down! "YAY!"

_Marina ran like mad, but didn't seem to be getting anywhere as fast as she'd hoped!_

Marina looked up at the sky, shaking her fist! "Damn you, people of Nintendo! You'd think you'd be a little more original by letting me actually RUN!"

_All of her shouting brings her mom from the back of the house!_

"Oh, Marina! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Mom said.

"Get away from me! I'm on a rampage!" Marina growled!

Mom said, "Whatever, darling! Now, some man named Satoshi Tajiri, or something of the like, just came over while you were gone and left these things called 'Running Shoes' with me. Do you have any idea what they do? I haven't seen them move an inch since that strange man hoped on a shiny Latios and flew out the window!"

Marina put the shoes on. "Mom, seriously you talk WAY too much..." Then she looks up at the sky again! "I'll let you off the hook this time!"

Mom frowned at her daughter's insanity! "Marina, who on Earth are you taking to?"

"Thomas Jefferson, now leave me alone! C'mon, Mudkip!" Marina shouted, running off at the speed of Mach 3!

Left in the dust, Mudkip sweatdropped. "Um, Marina?"

Coming back and grabbing him, Marina zoomed off again! "Damn it, when I say run, I mean RUN!"

"Goodbye, dear! Don't come back for a long time!" Mom shouted after her!

_Marina didn't hear her and kept on running, dragging Mudkip in the wind along with her! They run around all over the short Route, especially in the grass, but don't see anything except for a few Pokémonless Trainers standing around looking at their fingernails!_

Mudkip was in a daze! "I do not think it's safe to be running this fast in this sort of matter, that I don't, Marina!"

Marina: got mad! "Shut up! Enjoy the wind, the speed, and the fact that you'll never be able to go this fast in a million..." Marina was surprised, as suddenly tripped on something and fell flat on her face! "Nevermind..."

Mudkip looked around! "I think we are here, that we are!"

Marina stood up. "No kidding, Sherlock. I'm surprised that we didn't run into any Pokémon on the way to...Wherever the hell this is..."

Mudkip read a sign! "According to this, we're in Oldale Town."

Then, that Dumb Lady Who Shows You Around Oldale Town Then Gives You a Potion showed up! "Good evening, mum!"

Marina was like, "What the...?"

Mudkip turned around. "Huh?"

That Dumb Lady Who Shows You Around Oldale Town Then Gives You a Potion smiled. "You look brand new to the place. Shall I show you around?"

Marina got mad! "NO! Who are you anyway?"

"Just that annoying person who always shows you around the first new town you get to, even though, chances are that you already know what's what," T.D.L.W.S.Y.A.O.T.T.G.Y.A.P. answered!

"Shut up and get away from me!" Marina shouted, pointing in the opposite direction!

"Very well, then! And take this!" T.D.L.W.S.Y.A.O.T.T.G.Y.A.P. gave Marina a Nintendo Revolution, then flies away!

Mudkip sweatdropped. "What was that?"

Marina brushed off the fact the some lady had just flown away on a broom! "Probably a witch, or somethin'...Hey, now that I think about it, I need some Poké Balls to go catch these Pokémon with!"

"Marina, I really think you should wait a little while longer..." Mudkip advised.

Marina walked on. "In case you haven't noticed, Mudkip, there are at least 386 Pokémon out there just waiting to be caught!"

Mudkip shrugged. "First of all, you can only get 200 Pokémon in this region..."

Marina got pissed again! "WHAT THE FUCK?" Looking up at the sky, she gave it the finger! "DAMN YOU, NINTENDO!"

"Second of all, how'd you know how many Pokémon there were if you just stopped hating them about 15 minutes ago?" Mudkip asked.

_Then, a nuclear came out of nowhere and blew up a nearby house, killing a lot of people, and silencing Mudkip! Marina then decided that a Trainer without Poké Balls was retarded, so she went to get some!

* * *

_

_**Inside the Mart!**_

"Welcome, welcome! Do come in! Feel free to browse, but try not to carouse! Ho ho!" said the Cashier, who sounded an awful lot like the evil Tom Nook from Animal Crossing!

Marina slapped him! "Shut up! You sound like Tom Nook!"

The cashier sweatdropped! "Damn it, I did it again?"

Marina shrugged. "Whatever. I'd like to order 5 Poké Balls, and hurry up!"

"I'm sorry, but we're all out..." the Cashier who sounded like Tom Nook said!

Marina slammed her fist on the counter! "DAMN IT!"

Cashier sweatdropped! "Oops..."

Marina stomped out of the Poké Mart, totally pissed! "I can't BELIEVE this jackass town ain't got no..."

"It's OK, Marina. We can walk around outside the town to get your thoughts off this," Mudkip sweetly said!

Marina calmed down. "OK."

* * *

_Marina and Mudkip walk toward Route 102, but are suddenly stopped by a Nerd crouching down on the ground!_

"STOP! Go no further!" the Nerd shouted!

Marina shook her fist! "Boy, get the hell out of my way before I knock you out of my way!"

"I am recording very important Pokémon data! These are rare Pokémon footprints on the earth before me that are strangely shaped like my own! Please wait until I am finished!" the Nerd said!

Marina grabbed the Nerd's sketches! "Waiting is for losers!"

"Hey! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!" the Nerd whined like, well, a Nerd!

"FETCH!" And Marina threw them into the woods!

The Nerd ran after them! "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Marina scoffed. "Freak..."

Then, Mudkip realized something. "I think you missed a Route over there."

Marina scowled. "SO WHAT?" To emphasize her point, she ran over to Route 103, with Mudkip treading behind and eventually catching up! "There! Are you happy now? Nothing's over here except for some stinkin' trees, stupid flowers, that dumb Brendan..."

Brendan looked up at the sound of his name. "Did someone just call my name?"

Marina gasped! "You, again!"

Brendan smiled. "Hey, it's Marina!"

"Hey, it's the dummy!" Marina said sarcastically, mimicking Brendan!

Brendan sweatdropped. "Um, yeah. Well, anyway, what brings you over here?"

"What's it to ya?" Marina spat.

"Heh. She's really feisty. I like that in a woman. Maybe I can hook up with her..." Brendan thought to himself, smiling stupidly!

Marina instantly got mad at Brendan's dopey face! "What's so funny? What are you smiling at? I'm not a prostitute, if that's what you think!"

Brendan put his hands up in defense! "That's not what I was thinking! I was just wondering if you wanted to battle since you're a, you know, a beginner and all..."

Marina shrugged. "Whatever. I'll kick your ass, anyway."

"We'll see about that! GO, TREECKO!" Brendan threw a Poké Ball that revealed a Treecko!

"Tree!" the Treecko exclaimed, not meaning the inanimate kind of tree!

Marina went berserk! **"EWW! IT'S A FRICKIN' LIZARD! IF THERE'S ONE THING I'M AFRAID OF, IT'S LIZARDS! AND YOU ACTUALLY HAD TO HAVE ONE?"**

Brendan smirked. "So you ARE scared of me beating you!"

"NO WAY! Go, Mudkip!" Marina demanded!

Mudkip leapt into battle! "Yes, Ma'am!"

**_To make a long story short, the battle went like this!_**

_Foe Treecko used Pound!_

_Foe Treecko's attack missed!_

_Mudkip used Tackle!_

_Critical Hit!_

_Foe Treecko used Leer!_

_But it failed!_

_Mudkip used Tackle!_

_Critical Hit!_

_Foe Treecko used Leer!_

_But it failed!_

_Mudkip used Tackle!_

_Foe Treecko fainted!_

Mudkip sweatdropped. "Wow, that went faster than I thought..."

Marina happily jumped up and down! "Hooray! Hooray! We win! I kicked your ass just like I said I would!"

Brendan recalled Treecko and sweatdropped. "Well done, Marina. I guess you're not a pushover after all!"

_**POW!**_

Marina walked away, leaving Brendan twitching on the ground with a HUGE bump on his head! "You're right; you were MUCH easier to pushover! Smell ya later, cheeseball!"

Brendan went into a state of rigor mortis! "Pain..."

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** I know you were probably expecting a lot more than, but I was having severe Writer's Block! Sorry! Next chapter will be better and come sooner!_


	3. New Friends? More Chaos!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Chapter is re-done, so let's have some fun! ...Lame...

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 3:** New friends? More Chaos!

* * *

_

"Marina and Mudkip have begun their journey, but before they start training, Marina suggested they play SSBM! And Mudkip is kickin' ass...with Yoshi! And Marina is losin'...with PEACH! Oh, crap! What will she do?" the Stupid Narrator announced wrongly!

"Shut the hell up, you retarded freak..." Marina then clubbed him with a Toad!

Toad was confused, but cute! "Um...YAY!"

"Can I have my Toad back, now?" Peach asked from the TV screen!

Marina threw Toad at the TV, which explodes on impact! "C'mon, Mudkip, this is childish! And I am officially 16 now! I am no longer a child!"

"I thought you were 13..." the Stupid Narrator said, in a daze!

Then, the Almighty Authoress appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the Stupid Narrator! "Damn it, I'm 16, so she's 16, OK?"

The Stupid Narrator barked but one word! "MOO!"

"Feh!" In response, the Almighty Authoress tossed him over her shoulder into a pit of boiling lava, causing him to incinerate his pants!

Marina went wide eyed! **"WHAT WAS THAT?"**

Mudkip answered her question! "I don't know!"

Marina shrugged the matter off! "Aw, well! I need to ask that professor guy one question before we're gone, Mud." She grabs Mudkip and zooms off towards Littleroot Town. She gets there in a matter of seconds! "OK, now where the hell is he?"

"I believe his house is over there. And his Lab is over there," Mudkip said pointing!

Marina pulled Mudkip towards the Lab! "Well, come on! He might just still be here!"

_They enter the Lab to see Prof. Birch and Brendan on the floor playing "Twister"!_

Prof. Birch looked at the spinner! "Now, Brendan, left foot on..." Seeing Marina, he stood up knocking Brendan over!

Brendan responded to this with a loud, "OUCH!"

Prof. Birch cleared his throat! "Ah, Marina! It took you quite a while to get back!"

Marina held her hand out! "Just cut the crap an' gimme my stuff; I ain't got all day!"

Prof. Birch gave her a Pokédex! "Good! Then here! I found it in the trash!"

Blushing, Brendan handed her 5 Poké Balls! "Here, I bought these just for you, since they were the last ones in stock!"

Marina looked at him shock! "What?"

"Heh, she's gonna be SO proud of me! And maybe we'll go on a date..." Brendan fantasized!

Then, Marina went on a rampage and slapped the piss out of him! **"WHY, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!YOU BOUGHT THE LAST OF THE POKé BALLS? I'M GONNA TEAR YOU A NEW..."**

Holding Marina back, Prof. Birch sweatdropped! "I'm sure he didn't mean it, Marina..."

"WOAH! THAT GIRL PACKS A PUNCH! All the reason to like her more!" Brendan blushed idiotically, thinking to himself!

Mudkip smiled! "Mud!"

Prof. Birch changed the subject! "You must really be a great Trainer. Just look at your Mudkip! It already likes you!"

Marina left with Mudkip! "WHATEVER!"

Brendan randomly got up and grabbed Prof. Birch! **"I... MUST... BE... NEAR... HER!"**

"Well, I guess it's time you had a relationship with SOMEBODY..." Prof. Birch said, trailing off!

"I know I can get her to recognize me... SOMEDAY!" Brendan shouted for no reason!

Prof. Birch sweatdropped! "Brendan, get out; you've officially gone mad..."

_So, Brendan walked out, a vague look of happiness on his face!_

Prof. Birch turned around and started scribbling on a piece of paper! "Note to self: Watch out for Brendan..."

* * *

**_Later, Marina walks to the outskirts of Littleroot. She decides not to run so she can look for Pokémon._**

Marina kicked a rock! "This sucks on ice. Why can't the Pokémon just come to me?"

"They will, if you keep looking for them," Mudkip smiled!

"What Pokémon are around here anyway?" Marina asked!

Mudkip thought about it! "Well, I think... Wurmples, Poochyenas, and..."

"**A RACCOON!"** Marina suddenly blurted out!

Mudkip shrugged. "I guess there are some Zigzagoons around here..."

"No, I mean it's a freakin' raccoon!" Marina said, pointing at a Zigzagoon sitting in the bushes!

The Zigzagoon was happy! "HI! What's your name?"

_Marina throws a Poké Ball at her; she's instantly captured!_

Mudkip sweatdropped! "That was easy..."

Marina hopped up and down! "HOORAY! I got a freakin' Pokémon!"

_Suddenly, her occupied Poké Ball reveals her brand-new Zigzagoon!_

"All I said was "Hi..." Zigzagoon said!

Mudkip waved his paw! "Um...hi..."

"Hi...I guess..." Zigzagoon mumbled, in a stupor!

Marina sweatdropped. "This conversation is going nowhere..."

Zigzagoon then regained her senses! "As I was saying... HI! What's your name? I'm a Zigzagoon!"

Marina sighed. "No duh. I might as well check the P-dex... Hey! Cool name!"

_As a result of this, Mudkip sweatdropped and Zigzagoon became confused again!_

"**ZIGZAGOON: THE TINY RACCOON POKéMON! IT LIKES TO PICK THINGS UP!"** the P-dex announced!

Marina sweatdropped. "Yeah..."

Zigzagoon found something! "Hey! A King's Rock!"

Marina took the King's Rock! "WOAH! That's hella tight!"

Zigzagoon snooped around! "YAY! I can find more stuff now!"

Mudkip smiled! "The ability Pick Up is very useful and present in several Pokémon!"

Zigzagoon held up "WOW! $154.76!"

Marina grabbed it! "I'll take that!"

Zigzagoon held up a game! "A copy of 'Luigi's Mansion'!"

Marina grabbed it! "And that..."

Zigzagoon found something else! "A rubber chicken!"

Marina shrugged! "Eh..."

"PANCAKES!" Zigzagoon blurted out!

Marina frowned! "What the hell?"

Zigzagoon smiled! "I like pancakes..."

Mudkip sweatdropped. "Oh, my..."

Marina shook her fist! **"FIND SOMETHING USEFUL, DAMN YOU!"**

Zigzagoon sweatdropped. "...Um...**I KNOW WHERE THE POOCHYENA THAT BIT YOU IS!"**

Marina looked around! "WHERE?"

"Um...THERE!" Zigzagoon randomly pointed into the bushes! As if on cue, the Poochyena jumped out of the shrubs!

Marina pointed! "YOU!"

Poochyena also pointed! "YOU!"

Zigzagoon also pointed! "SHOES!"

Mudkip added to the chaos! "Whew!"

**"POOCHYENA: THE BITE-YOUR-ASS POKéMON! THIS POKéMON IS AN OMNIVORE, AND EATS ANYTHING, BUT HIS FAVORITE MEAL IS YOUR ASS!"** P-dex shouted!

Poochyena growled! "Now, ROAR!"

Marina got mad at him! "Dumbass, you don't know Roar!"

Poochyena looked sad! "I don't? Oh, hell..."

And so, Marina caught the damn thing! "HOORAY!" She showed her pleasure by dancing, Kirby style!

Mudkip made a face! "Okay...

Then, Zigzagoon popped up! "A BRAIN!"

"Now, let's see this guy...dog...thing..." Marina said letting out Poochyena!

Looking around, Poochyena smiled! "THANK GOD! I'M FREE!"

Zigzagoon giggled! "No, you're not. **HEY! A NINTENDO REVOLUTION!"**

Marina grabbed it! "Wow! And these things haven't even been invented yet!"

Mudkip pointed out something! "OK... I'm hungry!"

Marina rubbed her stomach! "Me, too..."

Poochyena boasted! "HAH! I am an omnivore! I can eat anything!" He demonstrated by picking up a Wurmple! "LIKE THIS!"

Zigzagoon smiled at her most recent finding! "A copy of 'Luigi's...' Oh, wait...I found that already..."

The Wurmple sweatdropped! "I, in actual fact, would like it much if you were to hand me back to the earth's distant floor!"

Marina frowned. "What the hell?"

"Hello, lunch!" Poochyena opened his mouth!

Wurmple wiggled around! "NO!"

Poochyena retorted with, "YES!"

At the last second, Zigzagoon grabbed the Wurmple! **"HEY! A WURMPLE!"**

Poochyena got mad! "That's my lunch!"

Zigzagoon danced around like an idiot! "MY lunch! HAW HAW HAW!"

Mudkip sweatdropped once again! "This is crazy..."

_Marina nonchalantly throws a Poké Ball and catches the Wurmple!_

Poochyena began to cry! "My lunch..."

Zigzagoon laughed her ass off! **"MARIOOOOOOOOOOOO GOLF! DA TOADSTOOL TOUR!"**

Marina backed away slowly! "Why don't we all go to Oldale so we can get some..."

"LUNCH?" Poochyena guessed!

"Relaxation?" Mudkip hoped!

"POE-TAY-TOES!" Zigzagoon informed the group!

Marina sweatdropped again! "Yeah..."

Then, Wurmple came out! "Thanks for salvaging me from an appalling bereavement!"

"A DVD!" Zigzagoon told the others!

Marina walked back to Oldale! "I'm outta here...this is too much..."

Mudkip followed her! "Me, too..."

Zigzagoon pointed! **"A RABID, EVIL YOSHI FULL OF EVILNESS AND RABIES!"**

_Then, a Rabid, Evil Yoshi Full of Evilness and Rabies appeared and went medieval! Everybody was all like, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And they ran like hell towards Oldale Town!_

Stupid Narrator ate some whipped cream! "Thus ends another day in the Land of the Mushroom Kingdom!"

_The Rabid, Evil Yoshi Full of Evilness and Rabies was all like, "RAR!" and he ate the Stupid Narrator!

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** This Chapter's done, so expect many more to follow!_


	4. Wally, the Really Retarded Handicap Thin...

_**Authoress' Notes:** Nothing to say! On with Chapter 4! _

**

* * *

**

**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**

_**Chapter 4:** Wally, the Really Retarded Handicap Thing!

* * *

_

"Here we are in the land of Hyrule! What a pleasant place to be!" The Stupid Narrator announced!

Link got mad at him! "CAN IT!" So, he, like blasts the Stupid Narrator with that bomb thingy he has!

The Stupid Narrator went flying! "GIYACK!"

Link steals the Master Sword and runs! "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Zelda sweatdropped. "Um..."

Marina ignored the crazy Hyrule people! **"ANYYYYYYYWAYYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

**

_She, Mudkip, Wurmple, Poochyena, and Zigzagoon are just entering Petalburg City!_

Marina, tripping and falling on her face, cursed very loudly! "OW, DAMN IT! Is that stupid Yoshi still behind us?"

Mudkip sighed! "No, I do believe that it is gone now, that I do!"

Wurmple also sighed! "Well, that has to be the most astounding news that I have had the privilege to hear all day!"

Marina stared hard at Wurmple! **"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY? GOD KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SAYING, BUT WE DON'T, SO SHUT THE SHIT UP 'CAUSE YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!"**

_OMG! Wurmple was SHOCKED! And so was Mudkip!_

"I'M HUNGRY!" Poochyena blurted out!

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

Marina got an idea! "I don't like spending my hard-earned money, so let's go beg for something!"

_Everyone except Wurmple said, "YAY!" and Wurmple was too afraid to say anything! So everyone, excluding Wurmple, happily runs to the nearest house and bangs on the door!_

Some Lady answered the door! "Yes? Who is it?"

Marina put a hand in her pocket and made it look like she had a gun in her shirt! "Gimme all your food and money!"

Poochyena foamed at the mouth! **"BEWARE MY AWESOME POWER!"**

Mudkip sweatdropped! "Um, boo?"

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

Some Lady looked very happy! "Oh, would you look at that! Look, Ron, this young woman is selling Girl Scout cookies!"

_Marina sweatdropped!_

_Poochyena sweatdropped!_

_Mudkip sweatdropped_

Zigzagoon took the lady's shoe! "A high-heel!"

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

Then, Some Guy comes to the door! "Sure, we'll take some cookies, miss!"

"Let's get Wally and see how many cookies he wants!" Some Lady said!

Some Guy nodded! "Sure! Oh, Wally, come here, son!"

Marina shook her head! "Man, is this family retarded or what?"

Poochyena nodded! "I'll say..."

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

_Just then, a really anorexic-looking boy comes to the door! His hair is gray, his skeleton his very visible, and he has dried spit on the side of his face! He has all sorts of machinery hooked up to his body and he drools!_

Marina's mouth dropped open! "OH MY GOD!"

Poochyena frowned! "Eww..."

_Mudkip was speechless!_

Zigzagoon looked sad! "I found a puddle of spit, but I can't pick it up..."

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

Some Lady hugged Wally, causing him to drool even more! "This is my Wally! I love him so!"

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

"HEAD FOR THE HILLS!" Marina shouted, running for her life, along with everyone else!

Some Lady sighed! "She must've been out of her delicious cookies!"

* * *

_**Sometime later!**_

Marina sat, panting on the ground! "That... had... to be... the... most... disgusting thing... I'VE EVER SEEN!"

Poochyena groaned! "Same here!"

_Mudkip couldn't help but chuckle, while Wurmple was panting, but too afraid to say anything!_

Zigzagoon sighed. "I couldn't get that puddle of spit..."

Poochyena stopped panting. "Well, anyway, where are we now?"

Marina looked up! "Hey! This is the Gym! My deadbeat dad works and lives here!"

Zigzagoon scratched her head! "How can beets be dead? They're inanimate objects..."

Marina sweatdropped! "Nevermind, let's just go in..."

Poochyena: XO Yeah, cause I'm still hungry!

* * *

**_So everyone goes in! Some other guy comes up to greet them!_**

"Welcome to the Petalburg City Gym. I'm sure you've heard of me, Norman, right? Of course, you have. Now, let's get this battle started; that is if you're up to it. You can only use 3 Pokémon, and remember, I won't let up, and neither will you, now bring it," Some Other Guy sighed monotonously.

Marina cocked an eyebrow. "Dad, what the fuck are you doing?"

Norman threw his arms in the air! "SEND OUT YOUR FIRST POKéMON!"

Marina punched Norman in the stomach! "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

Norman went back to normal! "Ah, thanks, Marina. I really need that..."

Marina sweatdropped. "No prob... I guess..."

Norman smiled! "I see your mother finally got you out of the house... and with POKéMON!"

Marina looked at her Pocket Monsters! "Uh huh... but don't ask how..."

Norman sweatdropped! "Huh?"

Marina held out her hand. "Anyway, I'm broke. Gimme some money."

Norman held up some major moolah! "How's $832,917.98 sound?"

Marina grinned! "Awesome!"

"...IF you do me a favor..." Norman continued!

Marina sweatdropped! "I knew it..."

"I want you to help little Willy here catch a Pokémon. I can see that you have already caught 4 of your own, so use your skill to help him, Ok?" Norman asked.

Marina brushed him off. "Whatever..."

"I let him borrow one of my Zigzagoons to battle with, so on you go! Willy, it's time to go!" Norman called.

_All of a sudden, Wally comes out of the shadows, looking a little less retarded without his handicap gear, but still putrid nonetheless!_

Marina gasped! "It's... WALLY!"

Norman sewatdropped. "Oh, so you 2 have met before? That's nice...?"

Wally snorted! "Hey, Marina..."

Marina mentally pushed Wally away! "Fine, fine, I'll take him! Just don't let him touch me!"

Zigzagoon glared at the drool on the floor! "MUST... GET... SPIT!"

Poochyena started crying! "I'm gonna starve!"

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!

* * *

_

**_Outside, somewhere in the fields of Petalburg City!_**

Marina growled and pointed at Wally! "Alright, you. Start lookin' for a Pokémon, fight it with Dad's Zigzagoon, catch it, and leave me the hell alone!"

Wally started looking! "Yes, ma'am... WOAH!."

Marina turned around! "What?"

Wally looked down! "I found a... thing..."

"**RALTS: THE FEELING POKéMON! THIS POKéMON BECOMES VERY EMOTIONAL, SO DON'T PISS IT OFF OR MAKE IT SAD!"** P-dex screeched!

Ralts sighed! "Oh, dear! I'm so bummed out right now!"

Marina caught it! "Thanks loads, Wally!"

Wally was confused! "What?"

_Then, another Ralts appeared!_

The second Ralts growled! "GRRR! I'm so angry right now!"

_Somehow, or another, Wally caught it!

* * *

_

_**Back at the Gym!**_

Norman congratulated Marina! "Here's your money, Marina, and thanks a lot!"

"Whatever, Dad..." Marina mumbled, looking at the cash flow!

Wally gave Norman his Zigzagoon! "Here's your Zigzagoon, Norman."

Norman smiled at his Zigzagoon! "Thanks, William!"

Wally sweatdropped! "Um, it's Wally..."

Norman shoved Wally out the door! "Bye, Waddle Doo! Oh, and Marina, come back and fight me when you get 4 badges."

Marina got pissed! "WHAT? WHY?"

Norman shrugged! "Because Nintendo said so..."

Marina looked up at sky! **"CURSE YOU, SATOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"**

Norman sweatdropped! "Who?"

Marina turned to leave. "Nevermind..."

* * *

_**Sometime later!**_

Mudkip trotted along happily! "Ah, well. We'll just come back someday!"

Marina sighed. "Maybe..."

Ralts, who was out, giggled! "I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!"

Poochyena was happy! "I'm not hungry anymore!"

Ralts started meditating! **"EWONMDOGPHBFJEPFJRJDOPFTGZURETFHNDOWAFR!"**

_Wurmple is too afraid to say anything!_

Marina kicked Wurmple! "STUPID WURMPLE!"

_Wurmple turned into a Silcoon!_

_Marina sweatdropped!_

_Mudkip was happy!_

_Poochyena was annoyed!_

_Ralts was confused!_

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

"**SILCOON: THE COCOON POKéMON! IT HAS A REALLY FREAKY EYE AND HANGS AROUND ON BRANCHES!"** P-dex said!

Mudkip tried to lighten the mood! "Um, hooray?"

Marina scowled at Silcoon! "What else can go wrong?"

Then, Zigzagoon came up! "Hey guys, guess what! I found a way carry all the spit!"

Ralts was mad! "Leave me alone!"

_Poochyena looked on in confusion!_

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

Mudkip sweatdropped! "Um, how?"

Zigzagoon smiled! "ON MY BUTT!"

_Everyone except Silcoon and Zigzagoon went all, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" and ran for their lives!_

Zigzagoon happily followed! "Hey, wait for me!"

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

The Stupid Narrator popped up, with a bag of beans! "And so, Wurmple evolves! Good for him! Stay tuned for another Super Happy fun-filled day on Yoshi's Island!"

Link then runs by and kills the Stupid Narrator with the Master Sword! "BWAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Confused on how many Pokémon Marina has caught? Go to MTGW's profile and you'll see!_


	5. Stupid Team Magma!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Now on with the story! Like there's anything else for me to talk about?

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 5:** Stupid Team Magma!

* * *

_

The evil, yet Stupid Narrator appeared out of nowhere! "My underwear is..."

"SHUT UP!" Bowser roared, eating the Stupid Narrator!

The Stupid Narrator was eaten! "Oh my!"

* * *

_Marina and everyone else have just entered Petalburg Woods!_

Marina stomped the ground! "Damn it, Zigzagoon! Your spit has got us all lost!"

Zigzagoon laughed! "It's not my fault! Besides, I dropped the spit when we ran! Ooh! A Game Boy!"

Marina took it. "Eh..."

Mudkip sighed. "I don't think I know where we are, that I don't..."

Ralts giggled! "We are in... PETALBURG WOODS!"

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

_Poochyena then saw a Shroomish! The Shroomish was seen!_

"Toad!" Poochyena barked, chasing the Shroomish

"Oh, shit!" the Shroomish ran away!

Marina whipped around! "TOAD? WHERE?"

Zigzagoon saw the Shroomish! "Ooh! A Shroomish!"

"**SHROOMISH: THE MUSHROOM POKéMON! RUMOR HAS IT THAT THIS POKéMON IS RELATED TO TRATORS OF THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"** P-dex said!

_Marina caught it, and the Shroomish was caught!_

Poochyena looked down! "Sigh!"

Shroomish came out! "Oh, dear! The princess will be furious!"

Marina slapped him! "Shut up!"

_Just then, a strange man comes running up!_

The Strange Man looked excited! "Have you seen a Shroomish? I really love that Pokémon!"

Marina shoved him aside! "Get the hell away from me and no!"

The Strange Man was sad! "Awwwww..."

"Stop right there!" someone shouted!

Marina looked around! "What the..."

And, some Team Magma Guy came out of nowhere, using a stick as his gun! "Put yer hands up sose Ise can sees 'em!"

The Strange Man obeyed! "Oh, dear!"

Marina flipped him off! "Make me, faggot!"

The Team Magma Guy got mad! "Fine, then! Fight me!"

"With pleasure! I shall use my Ralts!" Marina said, pushing out Ralts!

Ralts sighed! "Oh, dear!"

_Team Magma Guy sends out a Poochyena!_

_Ralts used GROWL! **MWAHAHAHAHAHA!** _

Foe Poochyena jumped around in pain and fainted! "OW! OW! IT BURNS!"

T.M.G. recalled Poochyena and ran away! "DUMB DOG! You may have won this time, but I WILL get you! **MOOOOOOOOOOOMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"**

The Strange Man was overjoyed! "WOW! Thanks! Here's a present!" He gave Marina a Poké Ball and left!

"Feh! I don't need another Poké Ball!" Marina grumbled, tossing it over shoulder to release a...

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!" Slakoth...well, Yawned!

Shroomish was shocked! "What the hell?"

"**SLAKOTH: THE LAZYASS POKéMON! IT LIKES TO BE LAZY AND DUMB AND ITS ASS IS BARE!"** P-dex shouted!

_Slakoth went to sleep!_

"That Pokémon is very rare! And powerful!" Mudkip said!

Zigzagoon hopped up and down! "A Slakoth! YAY!"

Marina clenched her fists! "Awesome!"

_Just then, Poochyena and his Poké Ball disappear!_

Marina got mad! "HEY!"

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

"You can only keep six Pokémon at a time. The rest go to a Pokémon Center!" Mudkip reminded Marina!

Marina relaxed. "Okay, then..."

_So, they get to the Rustboro City Pokémon Center!_

Marina looked at her PC full of stuff! "I might as have to put some of you guys away..."

_Silcoon can't say anything because he's a cocoon!_

Marina kicked Silcoon in a rage! **_"STOP DOING THAT!"_**

_Silcoon then turned into a Beautifly!_

"**BEAUTIFLY: THE MUCHER-PRETTIER-THAN-SILCOON POKéMON! IT IS VERY GOOD AT BEING A HECK OF A LOT BETTER AND PRETTIER THAN SILCOON!"** P-dex shouted!

Beautifly danced about in the air! "I finally have wings!** WINGS TO FLY! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Marina sighed sarcastically. "Oh, pretty..." She recalled Beautifly and put him in the PC! "Since you're done evolving, you'll be the first to go! Now...who else?"

Zigzagoon hid behind Ralts! "Please! Not me!"

"Okay, everyone in except Mudkip and Zizgzagoon!" Marina said!

* * *

_**Sometime later...**_

Marina dragged herself around! "I'm bored..."

Zigzagoon fawned over some money she found! "I found 7,382,473,847,382 dollars and 84 cents!"

Marina took it! "Thank you!"

"You should go fight the Gym Leader, since your dad said you needed 4 badges to fight him," Mudkip said, being super-smart and super-cute!

Marina ran to the Gym! "That's right!"

* * *

_**At the Gym!**_

Roxanne sighed! "Oh, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of rocks! I hate rocks! Rocks are dirty and girls like me shouldn't get dirty!"

Her Novice Trainer looked up! "Then can I have your Nosepass?"

Roxanne cut him, causing him to bleed internally! "NO!"

"Hey, you there!" Marina shouted, busting in!

Roxanne pulled on her hair! "Oh, my! Not again! Stop fighting me, damn it!"

Marina shrugged! "I need a badge, so I have to!"

Roxanne looked relieved! "Oh, is THAT all you want? Well, then, here! I don't want to fight anymore! It is very dirty and nasty!" She gave Marina a Stone Badge!

Marina sweatdroped. " ...That was easy..."

Mudkip nodded, wide-eyed! "VERY..."

Zigzagoon idiotically pointed at the new badge! "A Stone Badge!"

Roxanne also gave her a Nosepass! "Take my Nosepass because it so stupid!"

Marina took it! "AWESOME!"

The Novice Trainer groggily stood up, blood gushing out of his neck! "What about me?"

_Roxanne shot him with a .38! The Novice Trainer died!_

Zigzagoon laughed maniacally! "She shot him with a decimal AND two numbers! That means that math really IS evil!"

Roxanne packed her bags! "I'm hitchin' a ride outta this town to become a Pokémon breeder!"

"Why?" Marina asked.

Roxanne gave her a thumps-up! "Because I get to watch them breed!"

Marina gave her a peace sign! "AWESOME!"

Mudkip frowned! "Ewwwwwwwwww..."

Zigzagoon sweatdropped! "...Uh..."

Roxanne ran off! "SEE YA!"

* * *

_**Sometime later!**_

"I might as well look at my new Nosepass..." Marina said, dropping Nosepass' Ball!

Nosepass came out! "My NoSe Is bIgGeR aNd FaTtEr ThAn MaRiO's!"

Mudkip sweatdropped! "Who's Mario?"

Zigzagoon pointed and laughed! "Nasal inflammation!"

"**NOSEPASS: THE MY-NOSE-BIGGER-AND FATTER-THAN-MARIO'S AND CAN ALSO BE USED AS A COMPASS POKéMON! THIS POKéMON'S NOSE IS WAY BIGGER, FATTER, AND DUMBER THAN MARIO'S BECAUSE IT'S MADE OF ROCK AND METAL AND STUFF AND IT'S NOT FAT LIKE MARIO'S! IT ALSO MAKES A GOOD PAPERWEIGHT ON SUNDAY NIGHTS!"** P-dex shouted!

Nosepass looked around! "WhErE's MaRiO wHeN yOu NeEd HiM?"

* * *

_**Someplace else!**_

Mario ate a pizza! "Yum!"

Luigi watches! "Hmm..."

Mario ate another pizza! "Yum!"

Luigi watches

Mario ate another pizza! "Yum!"

Luigi watches! "Hmm..."

Mario glared at his brother! "WHAT?"

Luigi ate Mario! "YUM!"

* * *

**_Back with Marina!_**

Marina went to sleep! "I'm tired!"

_Then, Bowser walked up, with the Stupid Narrator in his stomach!_

"Stay tuned for an all-new episode of the Super Mario Show!" the Stupid Narrator shouted, being digested!

Bowser ran away!** "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**

_**Authoress' Notes:** I know that it's Team Aqua who are the bad guys in Sapphire, but you'll see why Team Magma has anything to do with it soon enough!_


	6. Journey to Dewford Island, But Not Like ...

_**Authoress' Notes:** Um..._ _Pokémon ARE FUN!

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up In the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 6:** Journey to Dewford Island, But Not Like the Series!

* * *

_

The Stupid Narrator, who was now undigested and out of Bowser's stomach rubbed the evil king's mane! "I like your hair, Bowser!"

_This scared Bowser, because he thought the Stupid Narrator was gay, so he ran away!_

The Stupid Narrator laughed maniacally! "HA! THAT GOT RID OF HIM! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Marina killed the Stupid Narrator! "I don't give a damn!"

Mudkip sweatdropped! "O... K..."

"It'S sUnDaY! I'm A gOoD PaPeRwEiGhT!" Nosepass became a good paperweight!

Marina smacked him! "SHUT UP!"

* * *

**_At the Pokémon Center!_**

"You should check on your Pokémon..." Mudkip suggested!

Marina checked! "Wow! It looks like everybody's having a party! AWESOME!"

Mudkip sweatdropped! "...it's not supposed to work that way..."

Marina deposited Nosepass! "Whatever. Let's go!"

* * *

_**At the Granite Cave!**_

Some Old Man cried! "PEEEEEEEEEEEEEKOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Marina frowned! "What the hell?"

Zigzagoon smiled! "A deranged old man in his 70's!"

"Please help me find my precious Peeko!" the Old Man asked!

Marina turned away! "NO!"

"I'll give you $80!" the Old Man pleaded!

Marina held put her hand! "Make it 100!"

The Old Man gave her the money! "Fine, then! $100! Some guy stole Peeko and is hiding in that cave!

Marina put her hands up! "Alright, alright! Don't have a heart attack!"

_From out of nowhere, a Luvdisc appears and attacks the old man!_

The Old Man was dying! "ACK! HEART ATTACK!"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!" Marina growled!

Zigzagoon was surprised! "Wow! A chew toy heart!"

Luvdisc continued to kick the Old Man's ass! "TAKE THAT! AND THIS! AND THAT! AND THIS!"

"**LUVDISC: THE RENDEZVOUS POKéMON! EVERYBODY HATES THIS POKéMON, EVEN THOUGH IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU LOVE!"** P-dex shouted!

Marina caught it! "Awesome!"

The Old Man sighed! "Thank god!"

* * *

_**In the cave!**_

The same Team Magma Guy from Petalburg Woods laughed over his captured Wingull! "Tee Hee! This Wingull is my ticket to TAKING OVER THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Then, Marina walked in! "Yeah, right! Now hand it over!"

The Team Magma Guy ran away! "Oh, shit!"

Mudkip sighed. "That was... strange..."

Zigzagoon saw a Whismur! "Look! A cushion with "X's" for eyes!"

Whismur got mad! "THAT'S NOT WHAT I AM!"

"**WHISMUR: THE WHISPER POKéMON! IT LOVES TO SCREM AND SCARE ITSELF UNTIL IT FALLS ASLEEP, SO WHY IS IT CALL THE WHISPER POKéMON?"** P-dex shouted!

Marina caught the Whismur and left! "Good question."

* * *

_**Outside!**_

The Old Man saw Marina! "YAY! YOU GOT... Hey! That's not my Peeko!"

Marina looked at the Wingull! "It's not?"

"Oops!" Mudkip added!

Wingull began to cry! "It's true! I belong to no one! How sad!"

"**WINGULL: THE SEAGULL POKéMON! IT'S VERY ANNOYING BECAUSE IT APPEARS IN ALMOST EVERY DAMN PLACE IN THE WORLD!"** P-dex shouted!

_Just then, Peeko appears!_

The Old Man went ballistic! "Oh, yeah! I forgot! I sent Peeko on a quest to retrieve my sanity, and it seems that she hasn't found it yet! OH NOOOOOOOOO!"

Peeko started pecking the old man! "SHUT UP!"

The Old Man laughed crazily! "Tee hee! Peeko just LOVES to play!"

"Why won't you die?" Peeko sheiked!

"Happily deranged people never die! Don't you know that?" Wingull told her!

Peeko was enraged! **"THEY DON'T? OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

Marina caught Wingull! "This is retarded!"

Then, the Team Mamga Guy appeared again! "Oh, yeah. Hey, girl! I forgot to give you this Devon stuff because the writer was too lazy to include it!"

Marina took the Devon stuff! "Okay..."

The Team Magma Guy then ran away, proclaiming, "GROUDON IS OURS!"

The Old Man introduced himself! "Anyway, my name is Mr. Briney and I have a ship! **WITH PEEKO PAINTED ON THE FRONT!**

Marina stomped off! "I DON'T CARE!"

* * *

**_Sometime later at the docks outside of Petalburg!_**

Mr. Briney went to his Wingull-themed boat! "This is my ship, so let's go to Dewford Island!"

Marina threw her arms up! "FINALLY!"

Mudkip jumped into the water! "Yay!"

Zigzagoon joined Mudkip and swam beside the boat, even though she didn't know Surf! "H2O EVERYWHERE!"

Whismur banged his had against the side of the boat! "I WANT TO SCREAM AND YELL, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO BE CALLED THE DAMN WHISPER POKéMON!"

Luvdisc foamed at the mouth! "I HATE YOU ALL!"

Wingull sat on Marina's hat! "If you let me stay here, I promise not the poop on your head!"

_So, Mr. Briney starts the ship and sails all the way to Dewford Island, WITHOUT any interruptions! Yay!_

Marina smiled! "We made it!"

Mudkip also smiled! "Good!"

"WHOOP DEE DOO!" Whismur shouted sarcastically!

"I hope you all die an awful death!" Luvdisc growled!

_Just then, a Sharpedo comes out of the water!_

"HEY! No fair!" he whined! "I was supposed to bombard you with my evil team of gangsters and then laugh about after you leave because of all the time of yours that I took up and wasted, so WHAT HAPPENED?"

Marina rolled her eyes! "We're not in the TV show!"

"**SHARPEDO: THE BRUTAL POKéMON! APPARENTLY, THIS POKéMON IS SUPPOSED TO BE EXTREMELY BRUTAL, BUT IT'S CLEARY NOT, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT'S WHINING LIKE A LITTLE BABY BECAUSE SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, RESULTING IN A STATE OF FEAR AND CONFUSION!"** P-dex shouted!

Zigzagoon clapped her claws together! "Ooh! LONGWINDEDNESS!"

Wingull sat on the ground! "This is my 4th line in the whole chapter! Oh, goodie!"

Marina caught Sharpedo! "This is SO messed up!"

Mudkip smiled! "But quite entertaining!"

_Then, Brendan appears on his Taillow!_

Marina poked Tailow! "How the hell did you fly here on that little thing halfway across the ocean?"

"Let's just say that I'd cross the ocean just to see you smile!" Brendan swooned!

Marina narrowed her eyes! "What?"

Brendan pushed Marina towards the Gym! "Let us go wherever you desire, my sweet!"

Marina rolled her eyes. "Whatever..."

* * *

**_At the Dewford Gym!_**

Marina walked in and looked around! "I heard that the guy who runs this place is a real bleach head!"

Brendan nodded. "Yeah, Brawly's a weirdo."

Zigzagoon cocked her head! "A what?"

"**JUST GET ON WITH IT!"** Whismur shouted!

Seeing Marina and her Pokémon, Brawly laughed! "Woah-ho! Narly Pokémon, dudette!"

Mudkip thought for a moment! "'Dudette'?"

Whismur got pissed! "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

"I'm totally diggin' your waves, dudette! How 'bout I just give you my badge for being so cool?" Brawly gave her a Knuckle Badge!

Marina held it up! "Awesome!"

Whismur pulled on his ears! "ARE WE EVER GOING TO START FIGHTING?"

Brawly gestured to a nearby cave! "Dude and dudette, you should go to that nearby cave to see Steven!"

Marina frowned! "Who?"

Brendan also frowned! "Is he a pimp?"

* * *

**_Later, after a brief stop at the Pokémon Center, where Marina put away Wingull and Sharpedo!_**

"**WHY IS THIS CAVE SO FREAKIN' DARK?"** Whismur whined!

Marina took out a flashlight! "Ha! In your face, stupid Flash TM that has no other purpose!"

A nearby Zubat awoke! "Turn off that light! We're trying to sleep here!"

"**ZUBAT: THE BAT POKMON! IF IT HAS NO EYES, THEN WHY WOULD IT CARE ABOUT LIGHT? IT CAN'T USE SUPERSONIC TO SEE HOW BRIGHT IT IS!"** P-dex shouted!

Marina caught it! "Damn, I hate bats!"

Brendan gasped! "With the grace of an Altaria, you caught that Zubat without even fighting it!"

Marina shrugged. "Meh, it gets old pretty fast..."

Whismur pointed! "LOOK! AN ARON!"

"**ARON: THE IRON ARMOR POKéMON! IT LIKES TO EAT GARBAGE TRUCKS AND IT'S SO DAMN CUTE!"** P-dex shouted!

Aron blinked cutely! "I'm so cute! Please catch me!"

And Marina did! "What did I do to deserve this?"

_All of a sudden, Steven appears!_

"I am so appearing right now!" Steven announced!

Marina was confused! "WHAT?"

Brendan got mad! "If you mean "appealing", and you're talking to Marina, then you'd better pimp elsewhere, man!"

Steven looked somewhat surprised! "I'm not pimping! I just happen to be wearing this snazzy $68,395 Black and Velvet suit with an $876 hairdo because I can!"

Marina gave him the Devon stuff! "That doesn't impress me so, just take this and go!"

"HA! Loser!" Brendan mocked!

"Very well, then, but take this as a sign of my appreciation!" Steven gave Marina a Poké Ball, then walked off in a pimpish kind of way, Brendan sneering after him!

The Poké Ball to release an Altaria! "If I don't stun you with my looks, then don't be surprised!"

"**ALTARIA: THE HUMMINGBIRD POKéMON! IT'S A HUMMINGBIRD, BUT IT'S ALSO A DRAGON! FEAR IT! AHHHHHHHHHH!"** P-dex screeched!

Marina turned to leave! "Well, I've had enough for one day, so I'm out!"

The Stupid Narrator popped up! "What will happen? Will Marina ever stop catching all these Pokémon? Will Brendan leave her alone? Is Steven a pimp? And where is Pikachu?

Luvdisc turned evil! "Dead! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The Stupid Narrator shook his head! "How appalling!"

"Not again! You're not appealing to Marina, so die!" Brendan blew up the Stupid Narrator!

The Stupid Narrator went spinning through space! "Looks like the Stupid Narrator's blasting off again!" (Ding!)

Then, Team Rocket appeared out of nowhere! "HEY! That's OUR line!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** ...And the cow jumped over the moon!_


	7. Madness in Slateport City!

_**Authoress' Notes:** After nearly 2 years, or so, **"Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version"** finally makes its unexpected comeback! I just couldn't leave the poor thing to rot, (especially with the almost 50 Reviews it brought me!) so I updated it! Let's dust this thing off and see what it can do!

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphhire Version!**_

_**Chapter 7:** Madness in Slateport City!

* * *

_

Knowing how annoying he was to the public and the Authoress, the Stupid Narrator jumped up! "When we last left Marina and friends, she was in the middle of being raped by a telephone!"

Marina threw a Groudon plushie at him! **"YOU SON OF A BITCH! THAT'S NOT TRUE!"**

The insane Narrator jumped off a cliff! **"I HAVE NO REGREEEEEEEEEEEEETS!"**

Brendan sweatdropped! "All right, then..."

* * *

_Somehow or another, Marina and Brendan have ended up at the beach in Slateport, with all Marina's Pokémon, except Mudkip, Luvdisc, Sharpedo, and Shroomish! How swell!_

Marina threw her arms up! "What the hell? I haven't even left Dewford yet!"

Brendan shrugged! "So?"

Marina punched him in the nose! "Why are you following me? LEAVE ME ALONE! Don't you have Pokémon to catch, or something?"

"Can I have sex with you first?" Brendan stupidly asked!

"Until you either become rich, or bring me something valuable, then NO!" Marina not only answered Brendan, but she also answered 'little' Brendan, as she swiftly kicked him in the nuts!

"**DICFNJDKVFKVNFJLDCFSDOKSE!"** Brendan cried, as he fell to the ground!

Marina walked off! "Whatever!"

Mudkip looked up at Marina! "There's no Gym in this place, you know?"

Marina went ballistic! "WHAT?"

"**DAMN, I HATE GYMLESS TOWNS!"** Luvdisc barked, jumping up and down!

"So, then, what the hell are we supposed to do, Peach?" Shroomish asked, thinking he was in the Mushroom Kingdom, but he wasn't!

"Let's stay here and pollute the ocean!" Marina shouted!

"Um, take a quiet stroll, excluding any violence or bad stuff?" Mudkip meekly suggested!

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! Let's go to the Museum and break their stuff and blame it on handicapped people!" Sharpedo suggested!

Marina smiled maliciously! "OKAY!"

* * *

**_So, Marina and her gang of evil and mislead Pokémon ran off to Slateport City to cause mayhem and madness and stuff! Meanwhile..._**

Archie rubbed his hands together! "It's all coming together... I know how we can tae over the world now!"

"How?" Random Aqua Grunt No. 585950 asked!

Archie threw back his head and laughed! **"BY MAKING EVERYBODY STAND IN LINE FOR MY EVIL FIELD TRIP OF DOOM TO THE OCEAN MUSEUM OF...UM, TACOS!"**

"I thought you were trying to awaken Kyogre and take over the world!" Random Aqua Grunt No. 9349 asked!

Archie kicked his ass! "STUPID! I'm trying to wake up GROUDON and use him to take over the world, and that will make Kyogre jealous and she'll be all like 'Aw, man! I could've done that!' Then I, Archie L. Johnson, shall take over the world with the power of creative accounting! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Random Aqua Grunt No. 405 shrugged! "Hey, whatever floats your boat, dude."

* * *

_**Meanwhile, on Route 110!**_

Maxie picked up a twig! "Okay, Team Magma! Uh... we're gonna use this... STICK! Yeah... To, um... POKE Kyogre in the eye because she's stupid and... er... make her, um... CRY! And then, uh... we'll take this... KLEENEX and... **TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH ITS LOTION-SOFT CUSHINESS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Magma Guy No. 2748 raised his hand! "Oh, my god! You actually take over the world with Kleenex?"

"Of course! When you blow your nose, particles and germs fly everywhere, and that makes people sick! And if people get sick, they eventually die! Therefore, tissue is the ultimate weapon!" Maxie explained!

Magma Girl No. 93246 was shocked! "Wow! Who knew tissue could be so evil?"

_Wow! What a conspiracy! Team Magma trying to take over the world with Kleenex and Team Aqua trying to use Groudon to get Kyogre mad, THEN take over the world creative accounting? Marina's got a lot of shit to do deal with before she's done! Anyway, now she was in Slateport and in the Museum thingy!_

Marina looked around! "I don't see any handicapped people, Sharpedo!"

"There's a five-year old over there. Maybe we can make him wet his pants, or something..." Sharpedo said.

Marina shook her head. "No, that's too predictable! We gotta go with something fresh!"

"Let's give someone a HEART ATTACK!" Luvdisc growled!

"Let's go upstairs and... **WRITE NASTY THINGS ON THE WALL AND SAY WE DIDN'T DO IT!"** Shroomish shouted!

"YEAH!" Everyone except Mudkip agreed!

_So, they ran upstairs to do just that! Unfortunately, Capt. Stern was already in the process of doing it!_

"Who the hell are you?" Marina demanded!

Capt. Stern sprayed some more on the wall! "I'm the guy you're supposed to find for some reason!"

Marina frowned! "And what was the reason?"

Capt. Stern ignored her question and pulled out more spray paint! "Join me?"

"SWEET!" Marina and all her Pokémon, except Mudkip, grabbed a can and began spraying away!

_Then, Archie and a few Aqua Grunts came stomping upstairs!_

"**HEY, YOU! GIVE ME THE TACOS, OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!"** Archie bellowed!

Capt. Stern shrugged! "But I don't eat tacos! They make me gassy!"

Archie sent out a Crawdaunt! "LIAR! You will now FIGHT me for the tacos, the nachos, AND the nacho cheese!"

"Shroomish, do something!" Marina commanded!

Shroomish hid behind Mudkip! "But Peach, Crawdaunts are scary and mean and ugly and stuff!"

Marina kicked Shroomish into battle! "GET YOUR ASS IN THERE!"

Archie's Crawdaunt laughed manically! **"LET'S GO TO RED LOBSTER AND HAVE DINNER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Shroomish backed away! "But I'm allergic to lobsters!"

"HA! Only nerds are allergic to lobsters!" Luvdisc taunted!

_Shroomish used ALLERGIC REACTION! Crawdaunt fainted!_

Archie's mouth dropped! "WHAT?"

"It must be a good thing that Shroomish has such allergies to lobsters, or else, we wouldn't for sure, that we might've!" Mudkip nodded!

"**OH NO! HER SHROOMISH IS ALLERGIC TO SEAFOOD, THEREFORE, WE HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!"** the Aqua Grunts shouted, running away!

Archie recalled Crawdaunt! "You may have beaten me this time, but that doesn't mean you've stopped my evil plans of world domination, involving tacos and cheese!"

Luvdisc painted Archie's face blue! "SHOVE IT!"

"GAH!" And with that, Archie also ran away!

"Well, you beat up that crazy guy, so I should give you an award!" Capt. Stern said, giving Marina a Poké Ball! It then revealed one of the cutest Pokémon this side of Hoenn!

"Hi! Nice to meet ya!" a Gulpin greeted!

"OH NO! It's Kirby!" Sharpedo screamed, running away, then coming right back because he knew he wasn't supposed to do that!

"**GULPIN: THE STOMACH POKéMON! THIS LITTLE GUY IS REALLY CUTE AND SMALL AND LIKES TO EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, JUST LIKE KIRBY! OMG, THEY MIGHT BE REALTED!"** the P-dex shouted!

Mudkip looked at Marina! "Now, what?"

"Now we go back to painting the wall! What else?" Marina threw a paint bucket against the wall to emphasize her point!

Capt. Stern painted a Bonsly! "PERFECT!"

The Stupid Narrator walked in! "Now that Team Aqua has been defeated, what will Marina be planning on doing next time?"

"Kicking your ass like I always do!" Marina answered, attacking the Stupid Narrator and eating his microphone!

"Yeah!" Gulpin added to the insult by eating the Stupid Narrator whole, so I guess that's the end of that!

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Yes, Bonsly is the US name for the baby form of Sudowoodo... I swear, Nintendo is just getting lazier and lazier..._


	8. Viva Las Mauville!

_**Authoress' Notes:** I was messing around in the Battle Pike thingy today in the "Emerald Version" when I ran into the Pike Queen, and I kicked her skanky ass! IN YOUR FACE, PIKE QUEEN LUCY! ...Um... Yeah... So, I have a Battle Frontier Badge thingy now... Yay. After much consideration, I've come to the conclusion that "LIUITSV" could be well over 20 Chapters long!

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 8:** Viva Las Mauville!

* * *

_

Once again, the Stupid Narrator jumped up! **"OMG!** It seems that Marina's new Gulpin has decided to bite her head off for no apparent reason!"

Marina hit the Narrator over the head with a flaming stick! "GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"

Mudkip sweatdropped! "Um, I think we should be continuing this, don't you?"

"Yes, we should and yes, we shall!" Marina shouted, marching off!

* * *

_And now, with Mudkip, Zigzagoon, Ralts, and her new Gulpin, Marina's on Route 110, which is full of evil Plusles and the occasional Minun! OH NO! And Brandon's with her, too! OH NO AGAIN!_

"So, where are we going?" Brendan, the idiot, asked!

Marina whipped out her "Pokémon: Ruby/Sapphire Version" Guidebook, which she shouldn't have because it really belongs to the Authoress! "Mauville City! HELLO?"

"Oh," Brendan said, quite plainly, I might add!

Then, an evil Minun attacked!** "GAJSGFSDAGSDAGSJKD!"**

"**MINUN: THE CHEERING POKéMON! THIS RETARD DANCES AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT AND DOES SOME STUPID CHEERS FOR ITS TEAMMATES, MAKING THEM LOSE EVEN FASTER! IT'S ALSO JOINED UP WITH PIKACHU AND HIS EVIL CLONES, PICHU AND PLUSLE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"** P-dex shouted!

Brendan screamed like a girl! "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Marina kicked him in the ass! "Shut up! It's a freaking Minun!"

"And I've come to carry out The Great Pikachu's evil plan of taking over the world with his CLONES! Now gimme your money, or I'll make you watch crappy episodes of POKéMON: ADVANCED GENERATION! AHH!"

Marina threw a Poké Ball and caught Minun! "WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S THE BEST SEIRES! **_I'M_** IN IT!"

Brendan was all swirly-eyed! "No, you're not!"

Marina shook her fist! "It's May, my evil twin sister! She tricked me into doing the RPG games, while she acts like an ass on the show!"

Gulpin frowned! "Yeah! She doesn't deserve a Bulbasaur!"

Zigzagoon bounced up and down! "And Ash is very sexy! OOH! A Playstation... the GOOD one!"

Marina threw her arms up! "SILENCE! Let's just get to Mauville and forget any of this crap ever happened!"

"Okay!" Zigzagoon smiled!

"Sounds like a plan!" Mudkip smiled!

"Whatever..." Gulpin shrugged!

"WHEE!" Ralts danced about!

"Can I get up, now?" Brendan asked, still on the ground!

"Pikachu will rule ALL!" Minun laughed!

* * *

_So, they walked about and, um, got to Mauville City and stuff! Hooray for proclivity! _

"Look! A casino!" Marina pointed out!

"OMG! 0hn03Z! itz t3h (4$IN0!" Ralts spouted, randomly speaking l33t!

"No, that's the Game Corner," Brendan corrected her!

"That's just Nintendo's way of saying 'casino', if you haven't noticed!" Marina scoffed.

_Just then, Wally appeared... with his uncle... or his Dad, or something... Who really cares?_

"Oh no! Not you again!" Marina hid behind Brendan!

"Hey, you're cowering behind me! Does that mean you like me?" the idiot asked!

Marina knocked out Brendan! "No..."

_For some reason, Wally no longer looked retarded! I mean, he still looked a little retarded, but hey, IT'S PROGRESS THAT COUNTS... I think..._

"Hey, Marina! I've really been raising the Ralts I caught! See?"

Wally's Ralts danced around! "I can't see shit, and I look like a girl, but at least I'm not gay!"

Zigzagoon found a mechanical pencil! "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Yeah, man! Gay people are cool!" Brendan shouted for some unexplained reason, especially since he could understand a word the Pokémon were saying!

"Can we go home now? Your Ralts sucks, you suck, and there's no reason for you to be here!" Wally's Uncle/Dad/Cousin/Brother-in-law/Nephew/Grandpa/Husband/Brother/ Some other guy who isn't related to him in any other way said!

Wally sighed. "Yeah, I think you're right, Uncle/Dad/Cousin/Brother-in-law/Nephew/Grandpa/Husband/Brother/Some other guy who isn't related to me in any other way... Marina's Ralts looks way better than mine..."

Marina shook Brendan in disbelief as to what she was hearing! "OMG! Not only did you lose your retardedness, but you gained a brain!"

"i tink 5um1 up der luvs u!" Ralts shouted again, knocking over Wally's Ralts, who promptly responded with a silly "0wch"!

"Okay, then! See ya, Marina!" Wally bid our hero a farewell as he left with Ralts and his Uncle/Dad/Cousin/Brother-in-law/Nephew/Grandpa/Husband/Brother/Some other guy who isn't related to me in any other way!

Breadan narrowed his eyes! "How well do you know that guy? Was he trying to hit on you?"

Marina hit him with Ralts! "STOP ASKING ME THAT! I mean, it's not like you're actually in love with me and want to be my boyfriend and you think I'll eventually lose interest in you, and that's probably why you keep following me around like some kind of a brain-dead Ditto!"

_Brendan was about to say something, when Minun interrupted with a very loud "YOU CANNOT KILL PIKACHU!" Everyone then proceeded to beat the crap out him and go to the casino. YES, NINTENDO! I SAID **CASINO, **BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS!

* * *

_

_**Inside the Casino, Team Magma was plotting evilly! ...Well, not really...**_

Maxie stomped the ground! "Alright, team! We're only in here for one reason and one reason only!

"Continue our evil plot of taking over the world with Kleenex?" Random Magma Guy #987 asked!

Maxie stood at a pose! "NO! There's a special at the slots today! The Ruby Version, Kyogre Plushie, Groudon Plushie, AND the Rayquaza GBA-SP all for 2000 coins! Men, get me that Kyogre Plushie! NOW!"

"But, sir... Don't you want the Groudon Plushie?" Random Magma Guy #305 asked!

Maxie shook his head! "Those Aqua sleezes probably already went to Fallarbor, so they're gonna miss out on this! Imagine their shock when we shove their most beloved treasure in their face... **_IN A CUTE AND CUDDLY PLUSHIE FORM!"_**

Walking in, Marina couldn't help but overhear Maxie's evil plottings! "Sweet! There's a special today! I'm gonna get all that shit!"

Brendan shrugged. "I really doubt it; Winning at the slots takes time, concentration, and..."

"OMG!ize heet t3h j4ckp0t! W00t! W00t! I pwn joo!" Ralts announced, just winning -1849 coins on a slot!

"Who ever said I was gonna play fair? I can cheat with Raltsy here!" Marina laughed.

"Fine, but you know whose ass is waiting for yours at the door if you get caught!" Brendan called, scaring more people than amusing!

_Marina decided to start off with a nice game of roulette! Unfortunately, Maxie and his evil goons were over there, as well..._

Maxie put a Game Boy Advance on the table! "I call 45!"

Then, Brendan popped up! "You can't do that! You have to choose a Pokémon's slot the ball's gonna fall into, not a number! Don't you know how to play roulette?"

Marina looked at Ralts! "Yo, what's the answer?"

Ralts began to mediate! "OMG! T3h 4n$w3r i5 2!"

Marina slammed her hand down on the table! "TWO!"

The dealer held up a Skitty card! "Marina wins 1938 coins!"

Maxie was shocked! "What the hell? She must be a Psychic, or something!"

Brendan sweatdropped! "Can't you see she's cheating? Besides, you guys aren't even playing the game right!"

"Shut up, Brendan! Nobody cares!" Marina spat, pushing him off the table!

_Then, Ralts randomly turned into a Kirlia! W00t!_

"**KIRLIA: THE EMOTION POKéMON! IF YOU HAVE GOOD EMOTIONS, IT WILL GROW PRETTY! BUT IF YOU DON'T, IT'LL TURN BUTT-UGLY!"** P-dex shouted!

Maxie was outraged! "What IS the phenomenon? You actually have Pokémon who evolve for no apparent reason? You should be arrested!"

"OMFG! l00k! I b3 4 cUrlY-4H!" Kirlia shouted, still speaking l33t!

_Over near the slots, Mudkip pushed a button and Nintendo GameCubes fell out! _

"Jackpot!" Gulpin shouted!

Random Magma Grunt #958 pushed a button on his slot, but all he got were Playstations! "DAMN IT!"

* * *

_**Three hours and $89,30,382,920,293 later!**_

Maxie slammed a random Magma Grunt into the slots! "Damn you, we're losing! Now we'll never get that Kyogre Plushie, you asshole!"

"I'm sorry, O Great Maxie, sir! Cheating doesn't seem to be working today, does it?" the Grunt whined!

Marina held her hand out! "Pay up! You lost hours ago! The Ruby Version, Kyogre Plushie, AND the Rayquaza GBA-SP are now mine!"

"Can I have the Groudon Plushie you almost killed me with last time?" Brendan asked, peeking from underneath a table!

"Sure!" Marina threw it at him!

"How dare you mock Team Magma? Take THIS!" Maxie threw a Kleenex at Marina, which landed gently on her nose!

Marina took her crap and left with everyone else! "That's very nice..."

Maxie shook his fists! "Damn you, girl whose name I think is 'Marina' because that's what everybody keeps calling her!"

* * *

_Outside, Marina started playing her "Ruby Version" with her new Rayquaza SP, while Mudkip, Kirlia, Gulpin, and Zigzagoon played with her Kyogre Plushie!_

Seeing as she was under the evil influence of Nintendo, Brendan brought something to her attention! "Um, Marina? Aren't you gonna go get the Dynamo Badge...?"

Marina glared at him! "What?"

"Um..." Brendan got scared!

Marina whacked him with her Kyogre Plushie! "Idiot! Why didn't you tell that earlier?"

"I'M SORRY! I thought you knew!" Brendan cowered with his Groudon Plushie!

* * *

_HAHA! IRONIC! Marina/Kyogre beats down Brendan/Groudon! FUNNY! Anyway, they went to see the Gym Leader, Wattson, who was very insane!_

Wattson laughed! "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!"

Marina threw Gulpin at him! "Shut the hell up, damn you!"

Wattson kept laughing! "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAD TOO MUCH HAPPY JUICE TODAY, SO I CAN'T!"

Marina swetdropped. "Huh?"

"This guy's whacko..." Brendan whispered!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEY! LET'S FIGHT! MY ZAPDOS VS. YOUR MUDKIP!" Wattson shouted, sending out the very ugly bird thing!

Marina got mad! "Hey! You can't do that! The Guidebook says so!"

**"WELL, I'M MENTALLY INSANE, SO I CAN USE ANY POKéMON I DAMN PLEASE! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Brendan waved his arms around! "Ooh! Ooh! I know what to do! Hey, Zapdos! YOU STINK!"

Zapdos was shocked! "No, I don't! What foul-mouthed language you freaks have! I refused to fight!" And with that, he flew away!

Wattson sweatdropped! "HAHAHAHAHAHA... OH, SHIT! OH, WELL, I GUESS YOU GET THE DYNAMO BADGE THINGY!"

Mudkip sighed. "But we still didn't get to fight..."

Kirlia stopped speaking l33t! "WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS?"

Zigzagoon found something! "Look! A 563-page book called 'How I Beat the Pike Queen: Lucy!' by the Authoress!"

"I'm slightly unimportant!" Gulpin announced!

"I'm EVEN MORE unimportant! ...Oh, and Pikachu'll kick your ass..." Minun assumed!

"I've got a Level 5 Treecko and a Level 6 Taillow, but I haven't caught any other Pokémon because I suck so much!" Brendan laughed!

Marina squeezed her Kyogre Plushie! "Y'know, I'm starting to feel like you're the only thing here smart enough to have an intelligent conversation with!"

Then, the Stupid Narrator appeared! **"DON'T MAKE ME RELEASE MY FLYING MONKEYS!"**

Marina killed him with her Kyogre Plushie! "...**_And_** you make a good bludgeoning object!"

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes: DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN ANYBODY IN THIS STORY, BUT THE ORIGINAL IDEAS ARE MINE!_** _Thankies. And yes, I do have the first Playstation and when I say that, I mean the OLD, OLD one._


	9. The Dues and Don'ts of Breeding!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Unlike I said earlier, "LIUITSV" won't only be over 20 chapters, but probably over 30! Not to mention the Epilogue...

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 9:** The Dues and Don'ts of Breeding!

* * *

_

_It was a fine, super-happy kind of day on Route 117, with the hero Marina, the loser Brendan, and Marina's choice Pokémon of Mudkip, Aron, Kirlia, and Whismur! _

Then, the Narrator appeared! **"LUGIA SHALL PWN ALL OUR ASSES WITH A LIGHTER!"**

"**NOBODY CARES!"** Marina hit him with an evil toothpick!

"So... what exactly are we doing now?" asked a supre-cute Aron.

"**_HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?"_** Whismur shouted!

Then, Brendan saw something! "Look! A building!"

Marina ran towards it with a lighter! "Cool! Let's set it on fire!"

Some old lady came out! **"WHAT THE FUCK?"**

Brendan waved. "HI!"

"**GET THE FUCK OFF MY BREEDING CENTER GROUNDS OR YOU'LL REGRET IT!"** the old lady shouted.

"Shut the- Did you say 'Breeding Center Grounds'?" Marina frowned.

"**DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"** Whismur spat!

"Yeah, so what? We breed Pokémon here! Big deal! Wanna make something out of it?" the old lady obviously knew karate!

"That's so awesome!" Brendan shouted. "But... what do we have to do to breed?"

Marina kicked him in the head. "No, asshole! Not us, the Pokémon!"

Brendan realized something! "Oh! ...But do the Pokémon have to do to breed...?"

Marian sweatdropped. "Sometimes, I really worry about you..."

* * *

_The old lady saw that they had Pokémon, so she showed them in, hoping they were probably interested in something!_

"Welcome to the Randomly Located Pokémon Breeding Facility on Route 117!" the old lady said.

"You just made that up, didn't you?" Marina sneered.

"So what if I did? You wanna do something about it?" There goes the karate again!

"Eh..." Marina looked at her Pokémon. "Any of you feeling like fucking?"

Aron was appalled. **"WHAT?"**

Kirlia danced about! **"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT!"**

Whismur's answer was short and sweet! **"NO!"**

Mudkip looked around, then smiled. "Well... I've never really tried it before... and it _is _natural, so... Sure! Why not?"

The old lady took Mudkip! "Okay! Now I need another Pokémon!"

Marina sharply nudged Brendan in the side! **"A-HEM!"**

Brendan snapped out of his vague trance! "Oh! What?"

"Don't you have, like, 3 Pokémon or something?" Marina asked.

Brendan took out 2 Poké Balls. "Well, I only have 2, but..."

Marina snatched them away and threw them on the floor! "Good enough!"

_POOF! Brendan's pathetic excuse for a Pokémon team came out! It consisted that of a Treecko and a Taillow! That's no big surprise, since we kinda shoulda already known that!_

The Treecko pointed at Brendan! "YOU! Get away from me! I never want to see your face again! YOU SICKEN ME!" she started crying! Yeah, that's right; SHE! What a coincidence, huh?

The Taillow attacked Brendan! **"WHERE'S OUR FUCKING FOOD? WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU FUCKING FED US? I'M FUCKING STARVING HERE!"**

Brendan ran away! "What'd I do? **WHAT'D I DO?"**

The old lady swetdropped. "Damn, child! Your Pokémon suck! Oh, well... the Treecko's the only one who can breed with a Mudkip anyway."

Marina frowned! "What're you talking about? Anybody can fuck with anybody! They don't even have to be the same gender and THAT is truly awesome!"

The lady flipped her off! "Oh, yeah? Well, screw you! In the world of Pokémon, only certain Pokémon can breed with others and get an Egg! You DO want an Egg, yes?"

Marina raised an eyebrow. "No, I wanna see 'action'! If you catch my drift..."

The lady kicked them out! "Too bad! You're not allowed to see Pokémon breeding! Don't ask why or I'll kick your ass!" she slammed the door behind them!

* * *

**_Meanwhile, in the Day Care Playground/Breeding Facility Thingy!_**

Treecko looked annoyed. "So, what are we supposed to do again?"

"We're supposed to breed," Mudkip said.

The Treecko backed away! "EWW! I thought this was supposed to be a vacation and we have to do THAT?"

Mudkip sweatdropped. "Um, yeah..."

"Sorry, you're really nice and cute and all, but I'm just not that kind of girl..." the Treecko said.

Mudkip shrugged. "Okay, but Marina's probably gonna be mad when she comes back..."

"Who cares?" Treecko turned around and saw an Altaria, which wasn't Marina's! "WOW! What a hot ass!"

The only thing Mudkip could see was a cloudy ass! "Okay..."

* * *

_**Meanwhile, outside on Route 117!**_

Marina kicked a rock. "Damn, I'm bored..."

"We could battle if you want..." Brendan shrugged.

Marina touched his Taillow and it died! "...I win..."

Brendan was shocked! "Wow! You're good!"

Whismur got pissed off! **"AND YOU, SIR, ARE AN ASS!"**

"Hey, what's that?" Aron pointed out, looking in the bushes.

Then, an Illumise jumped out! **"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'VE JUST FINISHED LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO A VOLBEAT WHO I DON'T LIKE!"**

"Why?" Marina asked.

The Illumise frowned. "You know, I really don't know! It seemed like good idea at the time..."

The P-dex came on! **"ILLUMISE: THE FIREFLY POKéMON! FOR SOME DUMBASS REASON, IT USES ITS DEMONIC POWERS OF WOMANLYHOOD TO TRICK HORNY VOLBEATS INTO DRAWING EROTIC PATTERNS IN THE SKY LIKE 'FUCK YOU!' AND 'FUCK OFF!' THEY'RE ALSO ALWAYS GIRLS!"**

"That's wonderful..." Marina mumbled, catching her!

_And as luck would have it, a Volbeat appeared!_

"**MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'VE JUST FINISHED LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO AN ILLUMISE WHO DOESN'T LIKE ME!" **it proclaimed!

"Why?" Marina asked again!

The Volbeat pondered it. "Um... I was horny?"

The P-dex came on again! **"VOLBEAT: THE FIREFLY POKéMON! AT NIGHT, ITS ASS LIGHTS UP LIKE A FREAKING LIGHTBULB AND IT DRAWS SHIT IN THE SKY, UNDER THE DEMONIC POWERS OF AN ILLUMISE! THEY'RE ALSO ALWAYS GUYS!"**

Marina caught him as well. "Yay... I just caught 2 Pok**é**mon who only think about sex..."

"Speaking of that, why we go check on our Pok**é**mon?" Brendan SMARTLY suggested!

Marina darted back over to the fence and jumped over it! "And while we're at it, we can watch them 'play'!"

"Hi, Marina!" Mudkip happily greeted, seeing her.

"Wait a minute... Mudkip?" Marina was confused! "Why aren't you fucking?"

Mudkip looked a little scared. "Well, she said something about not liking me and then she started... breeding with an Altaria..."

Brendan fell over the fence! "WHAT?"

Marina folded her arms. "Altaria's a freaking bird! How the hell can those guys breed?"

Mudkip pointed over in the distance. "Take a look for yourself..."

Marina did so and saw...

_**WE INTERUPT THIS IDIOTIC CHAPTER'S BROADCAST TO BRING YOU A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS**_

_The following scene is described as being foul, unclean, dirty, indecent, and very unorthodox; therefore, it's been removed from viewing. We've instead fast-forward to a few scenes later, seeing as things become progressively worse form the edited incident. Chicken Miasma Productions only provides this broadcast as PG-13, not R, or in some cases, NC-17; We are sorry for any inconvenience caused by this._

_**WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THIS CRAZY-ASS CHAPTER ABOUT BREEDING STUFF**_

"Apparently, your Treecko didn't like her Mudkip, so they didn't breed! But, she bred with another Pok**é**mon and laid several Eggs!" the lady said.

Marina scratched her head. "Are they even allowed to do that?"

The old lady shrugged. "Who gives a fuck?" she dropped 10 Eggs on a table!

Brendan was shocked! "Wow! That many at one time?"

The lady brought back his horny Treecko! "Like I said, who gives a fuck?"

His Treecko started humping his leg! **"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Brendan frowned. "Ew!"

Marina laughed! "Cool!"

Mudkip walked out, a little disgusted by the scene. "Oh..."

"And now, for the fee!" the old lady started calculating stuff!

"What fee?" Marina scowled.

The lady held her calculator! "THIS fee!"

_It totaled up to $48,494,058,439,303,057,110,383!_

Marina went ballistic! **_"WHAT THE FUCK?"_**

"There's the registration fee, a fee for food, cleanliness, fucking other Pok**é**mon, bathroom fees, fresh air outside fees, not fucking each other, then you times that by each Egg they laid and the size, not mention shape, how long it took them to lay it, how long they fucked, and that's the total!" she finished!

Marina threw the calculator down and grabbed some Eggs! "Forget that! Brendan, grab some Eggs! We're blowing this joint!"

"Okay!" Brendan did so and they bolted!

"**GET BACK HERE!"** the lady chased them with a broom!

Then the Narrator appeared! "Oh, my! It seems that Marina has a lot on her hands! **MWAHAHAHAHA!"**

"**I BET YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP THEM GET AWAY BY DIVERTING MY ATTENTION, HUH? WELL, THAT WON'T WORK!"** the crazed lazy shouted, not only hitting him with a broom, using karate on him!

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Meh, this chapter was completely irrelevant and weird. There was no constant plot, nor was one intended to be. Don't ask why; it just wasn't._


	10. Brendan vs Wally!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Yay! An unexpected update! Not much to say this time, though...

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 10:** Brendan vs. Wally!

* * *

_

_Well lookie here! It seems that Marina and Brendan have finally made it to Verdanturf Town, despite the fact it took 'em 2 weeks to get there and it's only 10 feet away from the Breeding Center! Oh, well..._

Marina looked around skeptically. "Hey! Where that dumbass Narrator? I'm ready for him this time!"

Brendan pointed over the cloud of dust, as it was really the old lady beating up the Narrator! "Uh..."

Marina shrugged. "Oh... whatever..."

"So, what're we doing here?" the loser asked.

Marina thought for a moment, then frowned. "I DON'T KNOW! This place sucks! It's too damn quiet!"

"Hi, Marina!" Wally randomly shouted!

Whismur fell over. **_"GAH!"_**

Brendan, like, pointed and stuff. "You, again! Whaddya want this time?"

Wally scowled. "To talk to Marina! This is _my_ turf, you know?"

Aron shorted with laughter. "That's funny! Turf! Verdanturf! THAT IS SO FUNNY!"

"**_Shut the hell up before I kick your ass!"_** Kirlia shouted, cutting down a random tree for no apparent reason!

Then, Marina noticed something! "Hey! You're not retarded anymore! You're like, smart and stuff now!"

Wally boasted. "Yep! Ever since I got this Ralts, I've been feeling and getting better and better!"

Wally's Ralts lifted up Kirlia's skirt thing! **"HI!"**

"_Я ГОВОРЮ ПО-ИСПАНСКИ!"_ replied the Kirlia in a language that was NOT Spanish! _1)_

Brendan got mad. "You can't do that! Retardedness is a mental disease! You can't just get rid of it like that!"

Marina slapped him with a still-laughing Aron! "Brendan, do us all a favor and shut up! Has it ever come to your attention that logical explanations are stupid?"

"So... what're you doing here?" Wally asked.

Marina pouted. "Leaving! No offense, but this place sucks ass so hard it's not even funny! Right, Aron?"

"**THAT IS SO FREAKING FUNNY! TURF! VERDANTURF! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANS, BUT IT'S MAKING ME LAUGH SO HARD, I THINK I SHOULD STOP NOW BECAUSE I'M PROBABLY ALREADY DEAD, BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT BECAUSE..."**

Whismur kicked her out of the way! "ALL RIGHT! WE GET IT ALREADY DAMN!"

"Oh, well... there's a Pokémon Contest over there. Why not try that?" the guy who was supposed to be retarded but isn't now suggested.

"Because Pokémon Contests are stupid and ridiculously enhanced in the show and look so cool, it totally sucks that we can't do jack shit like that here," Marina nonchalantly explained, because it's true!

"Oh! I know what you do! You can help my Aunt/Mom/Cousin/Sister-in-law/Niece/Grandma/Wife/Sister/Some other lady who isn't related to me in any other way help her boyfriend get through the Granite Cave over there!"

Marina did a double take. "The what?'

"Didn't we already go through there?" Mudkip asked.

"OMG! IT'S DÉJÀ VU!" Kirlia exploded!

* * *

**_2 plus 2 equals 5 minutes later!_**

"Okay, now what?" Marina asked.

"Uh..." Wally sweatdropped.

"DAMN IT!" shouted some random lady, looking at 2 pebbles in front of her! "I can't get these stupid boulders out of the way!"

"Just keeping trying!" shouted some guy on the other side of some tiny pebbles! "If we stand here long enough doing nothing, we should be able to move them soon!"

"Okay!" So the two just sat there!

Marina sweatdropped. "You gotta be kidding me..."

"THOSE GUYS ARE MORE RETARDED THAN WALLY WAS, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!" Whismur said, uh... shouted.

_POOF! Then, Volbeat and Illumise appeared! _

"Hey!" Marina held up their Poké Balls! "Get back in your balls or else! I didn't call on you!"

Aron stopped laughing... and then started guffawing, even thought that basically means the same thing! "SHE SAID 'GET BACK IN YOR BALLS!' HA HA! BEST... LINE... EVER!"

"Get back in our balls we will not because we have an idea!" the Volbeat said.

"Actually, HE has the idea! I'm just here because the Authoress thinks I'm moderately cute!" Illumise beamed, not including the fact that I also think she's very annoying and I want to kick her ass so bad sometimes for having such a stupid name and I only think she's moderately cute compared to Volbeat, whose ass I want to kick even more!

Mudkip backed away. "Does it have anything to do with intercourse?"

Volbeat nodded. "Ye-- I MEAN, NO! We can make them fall in love and gain common snese so they can move those boulders!"

"But they're already in love!" Brendan pointed out.

Illumise grew fangs! **_"SILENCE, PUNY HUMAN! ALL YOUR BASEBALLS R BELONG 2 US!"_**

Marina sighed and kicked the pebbles outta da way! "There! Problem solved! Can we go now?"

"Hey, look! She moved the boulders for us!" Wally's Aunt/Mom/Cousin/Sister-in-law/Niece/Grandma/Wife/Sister/Some other lady who isn't related to him in any other way said!

"She must be a _real hero_!" the guy swooned... wait... EWWWWWW!

"And you must be a _real loser_!" Marina spat back, none too happy about how stupid everyone was acting!

* * *

**_One human plus another human minus the clothes, divide the legs and let them multiply equals a civilization of idiots later!_**

"Thank you so much for helping us reunite our love, Marina!" Wally's Aunt/Mom/Cousin/Sister-in-law/Niece/Grandma/Wife/Sister/Some other lady who isn't related to him in any other way said.

"Yes! We never could've moved those 0.00000000000082lb boulders ever! YOU ROOOOCK!" the other guy, who looked kinda like a ninja also said!

"Actually, dear... I think those boulders might've at least weighed a pound!" Wally's Aunt/Mom/Cousin... WHATEVER pointed out.

"OMG! You might be right!" the other guy laughed stupidly, joined with everyone else in the room except Marina and Whismur!

"SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME!" Whismur wailed.

"Well, Marina, I guess you should be off now!" Wally said. "Wouldn't want to inexplicably sidetrack you from your quest of world domination, now would we?"

Marina narrowed her eyes. "No, we wouldn't..."

* * *

_**?uoy t'nera ,siht gnidaer morf ehcadaeh a gnitteg ruoy teb I !edistuo era nomékoP reh dna ,aniraM ,nadnerB ,yllaW ,woN !tib a daeha piks ot gniog m'I os ,gnirob gnitteg si siht ,yakO **2)_

"Hey, Marina! I'll see you later sometime, right?" Wally asked, as he saw the two and their asshole Pokémon out.

"Yeah... we'll be seeing each other _real _soon..." Marina sarcastically mumbled.

Apparently, Brendan doesn't know the meaning of the word, as he turned about and shouted back, "I HEREBY CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH, MICHAEL J. FOX!"

Wally sweatdropped. "...What?"

Whusmur jumped up and down with bloody pom-poms! "FINALLY! CARNAGE!"

"Brendan, if you don't shut the hell up..." Marina growled!

Wally pushed his Ralts into the fray! "Go show that loser who's not Michael J. Fox!"

Ralts danced about. "Okay! Yay!"

Brendan sent out Taillow! "Go show 'em who's boss!"

"_**YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA... ACK!"** Taillow flew into a tree! Taillow fainted!_

Brendan sweatdropped. "Oops..."

"Wow... you_ do_ suck..." Marina raised an eyebrow!

_Ralts use HOKEY-POKéBALLS! DO THA HUSTLE! _

Brendan started dancing! "Wow! Forget Pokémon battling! This is one funked-out beat!"

"What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be fighting, not dancing, you dumbass!" Marina shouted from the sidelines.

"WHERE'S THE FRIGGIN' CARNAGE?" Whismur also shouted!

"Well... this has certainly taken a turn for the worst," Mudkip nervously laughed, while also sweatdropping.

Aron, on the other hand, was _still_ laughing! "Tell me about it! This so totally rocks!"

"Does it rox0rz your sox0rz?" the moderately cute compared to Volbeat, but not anyone else Illumise asked.

"WORD!" Treecko answered, randomly appearing out of her Poké Ball because Taillow was dead and she was supposed to!

_Treecko used Moonwalk! Ralts was not only OWN3D, but fainted!_

Brendan continued his evil dance of badliness! "Hooray for Treecko! Good job, girl!"

Treecko then attacked Brendan! "ペーパー千年のドアはすばらしくおかしい特性、重大な、創意に富むおよび美しい視覚資料と実用的に流出して、追い出すために長く、かなり挑戦的である! そう買物はそれ今行く!" _3)_

Wally backed away very SLOWLY. "Okay... um, nice battle, man..."

Marina shrugged. "Meh. Big whoop. Let's get the hell outta here before something else happens..."

Mudkip quickly agreed! "I'm with you on that one!"

_So, off they ran into the sunset, leaving Wally and his somehow uninjured Ralts to watch Brendan's Taillow still stuck in the tree and the evil Kimori ripping his face off! Not even the Stupid Narrator has anything to say about this (mostly because he's still being mauled by the Old Lady), so I guess that means this part of the adventure is hereby **OVER!

* * *

**_

_**Authoress' Notes: **Like last time, this chapter was also completely irrelevant and has nothing to do with the plot in general. Next chapter will definitely be about something important, though! **SIDENOTE:** Kimori is Treecko's Japanese name! It's cute, huh?_

_1)"I SPEAK SPANISH!"_

_I'm not telling you what 2) says because it's pure genius and I want to see how many idiots will actually sit there and try to figure it out for themselves (And I mean that metaphorically, of course)! ;)_

3) "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door" is practically overflowing with wonderful, funny characters, memorable subplots, inventive gameplay, and beautiful visuals, and it's lengthy and quite challenging to boot! SO GO BUY IT NOW!


	11. Team Aqua Strikes Back For the First Tim

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, here's Chapter 11, the first of many pointless, consecutive attacks from Team Aqua/Magma!

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 11:** Team Aqua Strikes Back For the First Time!

* * *

_

_WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! ...Oh, wait... No, we're not... According to this non-existent map, it looks like Marina and her squad of freaky a-holes are on Route 111 AND THAT'S NEAR A DESERT! AND A VOLCANO! Oooooooooooooooooh! Not to mention that Marina has switched out her Pocket Monsters and now has Zubat, Gulpin, Altaria, Zigzagoon, and, as always, MUDKIP! LOL! Oh... and Brendan has, like 10 Treecko/Altaria/RetardedHybrid/Scrabbled Eggs with him..._

And here comes the Narrator! "IT'S TIME TO DANCE, LITTLE BOYS!"

And Marina knocked him out with a flaming stick! "What is **_up _**with you?"

"Are we in an important town yet?" a very tired Brendan asked.

"Actually, no!" Marina answered. "I don't know where the hell we are!"

_Then, two Team Magma idiots came up!_

"Hey!" said Team Magma Grunt # 54985084. "You can't be here!"

"Why?" asked Brendan again.

"Because you have to, like, go through that cave, which is outlandishly called the Fiery Path, even though it's not really fiery, just really steamy!" said Team Magma Grunt # 0.695!

Marina shrugged. "Eh, okay..."

Zigzagoon perked up. "Hey! I found conspiracy!"

* * *

_VONDERFUL! So, now, Marina and the unimportant others go through the cave which is outlandishly called the Fiery Path, even though it's not really fiery, just really steamy! When they get to the other side, they walk on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until FINALLY... _

**_THEY GOT TO FALLARBOR TOWN, THE MOST LAMELY-NAMED TOWN IN THE ENTIRE GAME!

* * *

_**

"Well... now what?" Brendan asked yet again! Geez, is this guy annoying or what?

"Well, I for one think we should leave this ghastly place!" said Altaria, who I think is really cute, but her pitiful stats and bad reputation as an UU wall leaves me unfulfilled and disappointed!

"I think you should all shut the fuck up and let me do my thing!" Marina rudely spat.

Brendan frowned. "Exactly what is this 'thing' you speak of?"

* * *

_OH NOES! It's time for PLOT FOREBODDING! ...And commercialism! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS!_

"Oh! Hello... Norman... I am having... trouble with... my... Poke... Balls...?" a very confused Winona said. "Can you... help me? I can't even... catch a stupid... Skitty in one... of these things..."

"Oh!" read the presumably drunk Norman. "I cannot... help... you ther...e! You just must try... some of my... brand new... Great Balls! As the name... implies, THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRREAT!"

_**LAWSUIT! **OH NOES! TONY THE TIGER IS TOTALLY GONNA PWN YOUR ASSES, BUT THAT NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!

* * *

_

_And now, back to Marina and her stupid-ass friends, who have climbed up a freakin' mountain only to forget WHY!_

Marina threw her arms up in frustration. "Okay, now why the hell are we up here again?"

"Uh, because you said, 'Hey! I bet there're meteor showers in those mountains, on account of the fact that it's called Meteor Falls! Maybe we can steal 'em and sell 'em on the Black Market for loads of money!' And then I said, 'Marina, we can't do that!' And then hit me with a stick, I had a concussion, and here we are!" Brendan explained.

Marina glared at him. "...I hate you..."

"CAN WE PLEASE GO INSIDE NOW? MY EYES BURN LIKE HELL!" Zubat shouted, hanging upside down in mid-air! ...Huh?

"But... you don't have any eyes!" Gulpin pointed out.

"And neither do you, but I don't see you complaining!" retorted the eyeless, bat thing!

* * *

_Oh, PWN3D! Anyway, they finally went inside Meteor Falls, with the cool-ass music and saw something... or a lot of somethings!_

"Look!" shouted Mudkip. "It's Team Magma!"

"No, it's Team Aqua!" shouted Gulpin.

"That has to be Team Rocket!" shouted Altaria.

"Look! PUDDLES!" Zigzagoon pointed out!

"It can only be the nefariously nefarious Team Shagem!" shouted Brendan.

Everybody looked at Brendan, who sweatdropped! "Oh, wait... it is Snagem...? It is, isn't it? Oh... Well... what did I say?"

"_WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME AROUND AGAIN?"_ Marina demanded!

"Okay, listen here, you!" Archie laughed. "The almighty Kleenex tissue of doom shall prevail over your nose hair if you don't tell us where the Clefairy are because I couldn't win the dumbass doll in Mauville!"

"I already told you! Clefairy don't live here! Hoenn is a land of damnation for nearly 98 percent of Johto and Kanto Pokémon! The only thing of value you can find here is this inconveniently placed meteorite I have here in my arms!" explained Professor Cosmo, being philosophical nerd he is.

"Oh," Archie seemed shocked. "Well... WE'LL JUST TAKE THAT THEN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh, shit!" the Prof. cussed!

Archie held the rock thing up high. "At last, I have the only thing that could stop the Kleenex's arch enemy: THE SCISSORS! Now that we have both paper AND rock, the world will bow down to our power and Groudon will awaken because he like rocks and Kyogre, the ultimate Rock, Paper, Scissors champion will be all like, 'Oh man! I totally lost! No matter what I get, these guys always win!' And she'll, like, you know, be ours and stuff..."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

"Gasp!" said everybody!

Maxie and a shitload of Magma Grunts came marching in! "YOU FIEND! How DARE you steal our Kleenex idea! What kind of thieves steal from other thieves, anyway?"

"Well, the Field Trip of Doom idea didn't work, so we just stole yours because that shows how good we are at beating you, because you're stupid!"

"At least we got a Magikarp plushie at the Casino, unlike YOU losers!" Maxie taunted.

Archie was outraged. "HEY! I said I didn't get a CLEFAIRY plushie, but we did get a Numel plushie, a Flygon plushie, a Lapras plushie, AND the limited edition Munchlax plushie that doesn't even exist!"

"You can't even GET a Clefairy plushie, asshole! You have to order that one first and then wait for 3 to 4 weeks before they can ship it to you!" added the Prof.

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M MAKING AN ESCAPE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" Archie bellowed. He called for his Kyorge Submarine, which is REALLY cool-looking and escaped in it, yapping on about how paper and rocks can work together and take over the world if they wanted to!

Maxie turned to his teammates, who were currently enjoying Miltank Ice Cream! "Don't just stand there, you dolts! GIVE CHASE! If he's using my plans of world domination, then he must be going to Mt. Chimney, SO MOVE IT!"

_And so, everybody ran out, not even taking the time to notice Marina and the others standing there! Afterwards, Cosmo came up!_

"Listen here, you! You must bring that rock back! Otherwise, Rock, Paper, Scissors won't be fun to play anymore!" he demanded.

Marina frowned. "I forgot the part where that's my problem..."

Cosmo looked around. "Uh... Here!" He caught a random Lunatone with his bare hands!

"What the... hey!" wiggled the Lunatone. "Unhand me! I CAN AND/OR WILL MOON YOU!"

"Look!" Zigzagoon pointed at Lunatone! "AN ASSLESS POKéMON WHICH CAN MOON YOU NONETHELESS! I AM ON A ROLL TODAY!"

"I'll give you this! It can... uh... moon people into submission!" he quickly lied!

"**LUNATONE: THE METEORITE POKéMON! THIS THING IS SAID TO COME FROM THE MOON AND HAS NO LEGS! IT CAN MOON YOU WITHOUT SO MUCH AS MOVING!"** shouted the P-dex!

Marina laughed. "Really? Cool!"

Brendan sweatdropped. "I've never heard of a mooning attack..."

Marina kicked him in the groin! "Shut up, Brendan! The P-dex is never wrong!" She turned back to Cosmo and took the very cute/cool Lunatone! "I'll take it!"

"Fine! Now I shall stay here and become one with the Lunatone in hopes they'll help me get my rock back, as well!" he stated.

* * *

_Everybody left the cave and Zubat had a seizure due to the blinding light outside!_

Lunatone scowled at Marina, but suddenly got happy! "Hey! Are you my new best friend?"

Marina squinted at her. "Can you moon people?"

Lunatone smiled...! Somehow! "Sure, I can!"

"Then you're my new best friend!"

Mudkip lowered his tail. "And I'm not?"

"The Starter Pok**é**mon are in their own league, so you're still my best friend, but only as the Starter Pok**é**mon!" said the crazy Trainer.

Mudkip smiled. "Okay!"

"But what about..." Gulpin started.

"OKAY! EVERYBODY HERE IS MY BEST FRIEND! CAN WE PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT IT NOW?" Marina yelled.

Everyone was quiet until Brendan just HAD to say, "...Lunatones don't have genders, you know..."

_What happened after that was a strange mixture of madness, confusion, profanity, uncouthness, and pudding, which is evil and so, the chapter's end is... NOW!

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Not much to say this time, so R&R and I'll update soon!_


	12. Go! Go! Mizugorou! Try Really Hard to Pu

_**Authoress' Notes:** For the uninformed, tomorrow is the anniversary of Pokémon Red and Green being released in Japan. In commemoration of this joyous event, I've decided this chapter to the Japanese, giving all the Pokémon, people, places, and things their original names. Don't worry; translations are at the end in order of appearance.

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 12: **Go! Go! Mizugorou! Try Really Hard to Put Out the Big Mountain That Smokes a Lot! Will Numakorou Lend a Hand As Well?

* * *

_

The Narrator suddenly appeared, wearing a kimono and stuff! "WOO HAH! Today! On an exclusive Japanese episode of our journey, Marina and friends fight a giant onigiri!"

Marina scored a home run by hitting the annoying Narrator with a giant dharma! "GET LOST, BAKA!"

Koiking sweatdropped. "Marina... did you just say 'baka?'"

Marina looked at Koiking. "And is your name... Koiking?"

Mizugorou looked at the script! "Oh, my! Marina, did you know? It seems that today's segment will be using the Japanese version of everything in order to celebrate to 10th anniversary of Pocket Monsters!"

"Really?" Koiking sweatdropped again. "Feels more like it's been 20 years to me..."

"SHUT UP!" Marina hit him with a mallet! "So, you say everything's in Japanese?"

Mizugorou nodded. "Yes..."

"...Do I get paid extra for this?"

"According to the censors, if you don't actually speak any Japanese, then... _HAI!"_

"BANZAI!" Marina gave a peace sign! "Yay for minimum wage and the fact that I don't have enough time to go to the Pocket Monsters Healing Center to switch out my Pocket Monsters!"

"...Was that really necessary?" asked a confused Gokurin.

Zigzaguma shrugged. "Nope, but I think I've come to the conclusion that none of this really is! Hey, a random plot with foreboding doom involving a volcano!"

* * *

_**At the peak of the inconveniently-placed Entotsu Yama!**_

"MWAHAHAHA!" said Aogiri, as he stood at the top of the mountain! "Matsubusa! You old fool! You can't stop us now..."

"Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold the phone!" Matsubusa waved his arms about. "Did you just call me 'Matsubusa'? In case you haven't realized, the name's MAXIE!"

"And in case you haven't been reading the memos, everybody's going by their Japanese names today, so deal with it! It's some kind of special anniversary special, or something..." Aogiri shrugged.

"Calling you Aogiri is like calling a Numel Donmeru; IT'S STUPID!"

"Fine, do what you want, but if don't follow the script, you won't get the Moo Moo Milk and Lava Cookies afterwards!" Aogiri warned.

"Oh, yeah? Well..." Matsubusa pulled up Homura!_ "_I HAVE A GUY ON MY TEAM NAMED TABITHA AND HE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT GAY! BEAT THAT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Aogiri sweatdropped. "What kinds of freaks name their son Tabitha?"

Homura pouted. "For today, my name is _not _Tabitha, so let me bask in this glorious moment just this once! **JUST THIS ONCE, OKAY?** Besides... my parents were hippies..."

Aogiri shook his head in disapproval. "Ah, bummer."

Then, Izumi randomly appeared because I think she's kick-ass! "Aogiri, sir! We've just spotted Soraishi-Hakase running around here with that meteorite thingy we're trying to get for some crazy reason or other that most likely wouldn't work in million years!"

"Soraishi-Hakase? What's he doing here? I thought he was still at Ryuusei no Taki, hopelessly and mindlessly communicating with Lunatons!"

Izumi sweatdropped. "Well, he's apparently not because he's like, right over there..."

"I HAVE NO REGRETS!" shouted Soraishi, slamming the meteorite into a random Magma-Dan member's skull!

* * *

_**MEANWHILE! Marina and Koiking are back at the cable car place, but the 2 Magma-Dan people still refuse to let them pass!**_

"What do you mean, 'It's for our own good?' If don't get up there soon, all off Hoenn is doomed!" Marina then thought about what she just said! "On second thought..."

"Well, that's the point!" laughed Magma Dan Member # 54985084. "When we blow apart Entotsu Yama, Kaiohga will just have to come up and be amazed by our awesome greatness!"

Koiking threw his arms up in frustration. "Do you guys even know what you're _saying?_ First, you were trying to take over the world with Kleenex tissue, _then_ you try to flush Kyogre out with the power of Rock, Paper, Scissors, not to mention the fact that you actually let Aqua-Dan steal that idea from you, and _NOW _you want to make a live volcano erupt and surprise Kaiohga? You guys are nuts! You can't do that!"

"KOIKING!"

"Huh? HEY!" Koiking was shocked to see Marina going up in the cable car, a Magma-Dan Member foot sticking out of Gokurin's mouth! "WAIT FOR ME!"

"Stop babbling and get your ass up here!" waved Marina. "I swear, Koiking, your mouth's gonna be the death of you!"

* * *

_**Fast forward! Marina and Koiking have now arrived at the peak of Entotsu Yama and weren't very surprised to see Magma-Dan and Aqua-Dan beating the crap out of each other with their mediocre, zombified... POCHIENAS!**_

"Bow wow!" said one mediocre, zombified Pochiena!

Marina instantly got pissed. "Why aren't you guys fighting with and Shizarigars and Bakuudas? They _are_ your main Pocket Monster choices and type, right? So, what the hell are you doing?"

"Wow... Those names... they sound so foreign... and strange!" remarked Koiking.

Marina hit him with a Kabuki mask! "That's because they ARE foreign and strange!"

"Well, these zombified Pochienas are just so cool and besides, we're on a freaking volcano! We don't want our Shizarigars getting hurt!" said one Aqua-Dan guy.

"**THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"** Marina shouted. "Where the hell is Aogiri? He's the one who started this whole mess anyway!"

"Aogiri? Uh... oh, he's over there near the edge of that lava pit with Matsubusa, ready to drop Soraishi-Hakase that and meteorite he's holding into the volcano," calmly said the gang member.

"Oh," said Marina, shrugging.

"Well, whaddya know?" Lunatone haphazardly added, because I can't think of a better way to include her in this chapter.

_**

* * *

**_

_**Over near the lava pit!**_

"You're... SMELLY!" shouted Aogiri.

"Oh, yeah? Well, you have a stupid-looking goatee!" retorted Matsubusa.

"It's not a goatee! IT'S A BEARD, YOU ASSHOLE!" snapped Aogiri. "But you wouldn't know that because you're too old to grow one! HA!"

Matsubusa was outraged! "I am not!"

"Uh huh!" taunted Aogiri. "I can see the wrinkles from over here!"

"Guys, guys! Stop this madness!" Homura waved his hands for attention. "Getting in a name-calling fight won't bring us any closer to taking over the world, you know!"

"That's big talk coming from a guy named Tabitha!" Izumi jumped in again, because she's cool like that.

"For the last time, today I'm _Homura_!" growled the hippie offspring, pulling on his Magma-Dan... helmet thingy.

"Well, I for one think all of you are nuts!" Soraishi-Hakase intruded, in the midst of the argument. "I might as well just throw this stupid thing into the volcano and be done with it!"

_And so, he did!_

"You fool! Look at what you've done! Now we can't take over the world and hear about it on 11:00 news! MY PUBLICITY IS RUINED!" Matsubusa barked.

And then, Marina ran up! "Nice going, losers! Now we're all gonna die!"

"Not me!" panicked Chirutarisu, starting to fly away. "I'm outta here!"

Marina recalled her to her Monster Ball. "YOU'RE DYING WITH THE REST OF US!"

_**BOOM!** The volcano erupted and lava began rising and started overflowing! **OH NOES!**_

"This is all your fault!" Aogiri accused, pointing at Matsubusa. "If you'd let me have the stupid thing in the first place, the volcano never would've erupted!"

"_My_ fault? You're one to talk, goatee man!"

"_IT'S A BEARD!"_

Koiking panicked and grabbed most of Marina's Pocket Monsters! "Marina, we have to run! All of Hoenn is doomed! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!"

"There's a never a game over in the world of Pocket Monsters!" Marina angrily stated. "Maybe a 'The End' and an 'Lol, st00pid n00b! You l0st teh battle and haff of UR $!' type of thing, but never a game over! Besides, we can't get to Johto _or _Kanto because we don't have the mode of transportation!"

"Oh, crap..." Matsubusa sweatdropped. "I just remembered that... Oops...?"

"Asshole!" Aogiri kicked Matsubusa in the face! "You should've used the peanut butter and jelly idea!"

Matsubusa shook his head. "No! It was too sticky and half the team was either allergic to peanut butter or jelly!"

Aogiri sweatdropped. "Man, your team sucks..."

"QUIET, YOU!"

"Mizugorou, use your Mizu Gannu to stop that lava so our asses won't be toast!" commanded Marina.

"My pleasure!" Mizugorou used Mizu Gannu on the lava, but it didn't work too well!

"Don't just stand there, you dolts! Send out your Mizu-typuu Pocket Monsters and do something!" Marina commanded Aqua-Dan!

"And you guys go sit in time out for trying to destroy Hoenn with a volcano!" Koiking also ordered Magma-Dan!

"No fair!" Matsubusa pouted, with a Dunce cap on his head. "Why do _we_ always get punished?"

_Aqua-Dan sent out all their Kibanha, Samehader, and Todoseruga and all used Mizu Gannu on the lava! After a few minutes of this, the lava turned to rock and Entotsu Yama was put to sleep once and for all! Hooray for uncivilized and random acts of teamwork amongst the good and bad guys! _

"Hooray! We did it! We saved the world... er, Hoenn!" shouted Izumi.

Aogiri shoved Matsubusa. "I still say this was your doing! You could've had us all killed with that plot of yours!"

"Shut up!" Matsubusa flicked Aogiri's nose! "You stole our idea, so we had to do something else!"

"Good job, Mizugorou! You caused a revolution!" praised Marina.

Mizugorou gave her a questioning look. "I did?"

_All of a sudden, he started glowing!_

"Oh my god!" freaked Koiking. "He's gonna explode! I never knew Mizugorou was actually a time bomb!"

Marina put Koiking in a headlock! "He's not! He's evolving!"

_**POOF!** Congratulations! Your Mizugorou has evolved into a Numakorou!_

"**NUMAKOROU: THE MUD FISH POCKET MONSTER! UNLIKE, MIZUGOROU, NUMAKOROU CAN STAND ON ITS HIND LEGS AND LOVES TO MUD WRESTLE!"** the Pokémon Zukan shouted!

"Wow!" said Numakorou. "I feel... different!"

Marina sighed a mushroom cloud! "I bet you do..."

"Now that this crap is over with, I'm leaving!" exclaimed Aogiri, as he jumped into his Kyamome copter which happened to appear out of nowhere and flew away! "So long, suckers!"

"I think we need to be leaving as well!" Matsubusa pushed a button on a remote control and called forth a Saidon drilling machine, in which everyone poured into! "Until next time!"

Marian frowned. "Great! After all that, they just run away and pretend nothing's happened?"

"Well, you got a new Pocket Monster out of it right?" consoled Koiking.

Marina scratched her head in irritation. "Yeah, I guess so..."

"So... where to now?" asked Gokurin.

"According to the random plot with foreboding doom involving a volcano that Zigzaguma found, we now have to go to Fuen Town, which is right down the mountain!"

"I HAVEN'T MADE ONE APPEARANCE IN THIS WHOLE CHAPTER!" squawked Zubat.

"You just did!" happily replied Zizaguma.

"I did? OH, RAPTURE! HAPPY DAY!"

"And since the episode's almost over, you guys all know what that means!" said Gokurin.

"That the episode's almost over?" guessed Lunaton.

"No..." Gokrin sweatdropped. "It means we get to eat Lave Cookies and Moo Moo Milk!"

"Really? ME FIRST!" Marina pushed the others out of her way and ran down the mountain! Why there would be Lava Cookies and Moo Moo Milk down there, I'll never know!

* * *

_AFTERMATH! Marina, Koiking and the other slightly important others left the smoldering volcano, hoping to never return there ever again! Oh yeah! And Soraishi-Hakase decided to go back home and live with the Lunatons of Ryuusei no Taki in order to regain his shattered composure! After the show, everyone got their Lava Cookies and Moo Moo Milk and, for once, they were all happy and not in the least homicidal!

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** I bet you're all wondering what the heck is up with the Chapter Title, huh? Well, that's how long and crazy the titles are in Japanese, so it seemed decent. I felt like using Japanese references like they do in the anime, so look 'em up on Google if you don't know what they are. :) Here are the crazy name translations; Marina and Zubat's names weren't changed because they're the same in English as Japanese. **HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY, POKéMON! **XD_

"_Hai!": "Yes!"_

"_Banzai!": Slang for "Hooray!" or "Hoorah!" (a patriotic Japanese battle cry or shout) _

_Mizugorou: Mudkip_

_Koiking: Brendan (which is Magikarp's Japanese name, therefore, I'm referring to him as a Magikarp XD)_

_Gokurin: Gulpin_

_Zigzaguma: Zigzagoon_

_Entotsu Yama: Mt. Chimney_

_Aogiri: Archie_

_Matsubusa: Maxie_

_Homura: Tabitha (lol)_

_Izumi: Shelly_

_Chirutarisu: Altaria_

_Shizarigar: Crawduant_

_Bakuuda: Camerupt_

_Soraishi-Hakase: Professor Cosmo _

_Ryuusei no Taki: Meteor Falls_

_Lunaton: Lunatone (Didn't see that one comin'...)_

_Magma-Dan: Team Magma_

_Aqua-Dan: Team Aqua_

_Mizu Gannu: Water Gun _

_Mizu-Typuu: Water-Type_

_Kibanha: Carvanha _

_Samehader: Sharpedo_

_Todoseruga: Walrein_

_Numakorou: Marshtomp _

_Pokémon Zukan: Pokédex_

_Kyamome: Wingull_

_Saihorn: Rhydon_

_Fuen Town: Lavaridge Town_


	13. Whoring and Procrastination!

_**Authoress' Notes:** I was planning on making this an April Fools chapter, but LIFE SUCKS SO GET OVER IT. XD

* * *

_

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 13:** Whoring and Procrastination!

* * *

_

"OMFG!" shouted the Narrator. "We're finally speaking English again! WOO HOO! TIME TO BREAK OUT THE ENGLISH MUFFINS!"

"GO BACK TO CANADA WHERE YOU BELONG, YOU UNGRATEFUL WHORE!" And with that, Marina blasted him with a bazooka, all the way back to... Alaska? Eh, close enough...

Then, Brendan popped up. "So, where are we now?"

"Lavaridge Town!" Marina responded, throwing away the bazooka. "Beat the Gym Leader here and I can go home and fight my dad!"

"Yeah!"

"Marina gave him a look. "What're _you_ so happy about? Aren't we supposed to be rivals, or something? You've just been following me around ever since I started this damn journey!"

"Well..." Brendan sweatdropped. "Think of me as an... acquaintance... Why fight when we can be friends?"

"Because you're too lazy to think up a better excuse?" guessed Gulpin.

Marshtomp scratched his head. "Because people make love, not war?"

Zubat had a stroke. _"EYAAAAAAAAAAHMFIFLDMSLZMSKD! THAT'S SO FUCKING GROSS!"_

"I CAME FROM THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" sang Lunatone.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! It's because the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round! Right? RIGHT? OMG, I am so totally right!" Zigzagoon beamed.

"You're all incompetent assholes! I'm outta here!" spat Altaria, as she flew away, only to be recalled by her Trainer!

"Okay, whatever!" griped Marina. "Let's just go already! Sheesh!"

* * *

**_And off they went! As Lavaridge is a VERY small town, they went straight to the Gym, only to see a slut riding on a Magcargo in front of it! _**

"Hi! I'm, like... the Gym Leader here and stuff..." she said. "My name's Flannery and... uh... I like Fire Pokémon, as you can plainly see..."

"Oh, yes!" sighed the Magcargo loudly, in a sarcastic manner. "And I'm the Queen of motherfucking England! Get a life, you pussy!"

Marina frowned. "What kind of a Gym Leader dresses like that? You look like a whore!"

"It's part of a protesting plan! My stupid grandpa wants me to be the Gym Leader while he goes on vacation to Cinnabar Island!"

Brendan scratched his head. "Didn't that place get blown up by a volcano?"

"Uh..."

"Look, Flannery..." Marina slapped her on the back. "You and I both have better things to do with our time, so why not just hand over the badge and I'll leave you be?"

_All of a sudden, some naked old lady from the hot springs ran up!_

"_**OMG! THIS EGG!"**_

Altaria was shocked! "EEWWW!"

"_**THERE'S A DEMON INSIDE IT! A DEMON, I TELL YOU!"**_

Marina sweatdropped. "No kidding."

"**_YES! I MEAN, NO! NO KIDDING! TAKE IT! NOW! GO! GO THROW IT IN THE VOLCANO, FOR IT WILL AND SHALL HACTH INTO A DEMON OF UNSPEAKABLE POWER!"_** And with that, she ran away!

"Ah," Marina looked at the Egg. "Okay..."

"Anyway, wanna go fight? I really hate the fighting inside the Gym, so let's do it right here and now!"

"Okay!" Marina looked at Marshtomp. "I'm using Marshtomp, because his dual abilities will totally KILL YOUR POKéMON!"

"And I shall fight with a Camerupt because... uh... I DON'T KNOW!"

_THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN! Who will win? Gym Leader Flannery or newcomer Marina? ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

* * *

_

_**Sometime later!**_

"Man, this bath sure is relaxing!" sighed Marina.

"Yeah, they say it helps you battle better, too!" said the slut.

Brendan sweatdropped. "Um, aren't you guys supposed to be fighting?"

Flannery was outraged! **_"HEY, WHO LET YOU IN HERE, JERK?"_**

"Uh... We're outside... Everybody can see you like this... You're not naked or anything under there, are you?"

"_**YOU ASKED YOU ANYWAY?"**_

"Well, technically..."

"Shut up already, Brendan!" growled Marina. "We're simply taking a break! We'll be fighting very soon, _okay?"_

"...Then, where're all your Pokémon?"

"_**WHAT IS THIS? 20 QUESTIONS OR SOMETHING? GO AWAY!"**_

Just then, Marshtomp popped up. "Uh, Marina... Maybe you _should _start fighting her. It's starting to get late, you know."

"The word 'late' has no meaning in the dumbass world of Hoenn!" replied his Trainer. "Haven't you ever noticed that it never gets dark around here?"

"Well..."

"Case closed!" With that, she tossed him into the hot spring, making a big splash and scalding several old people nearby!

* * *

_**Anon!**_

Brendan appeared out of nowhere! "Are you guys done fighting yet?"

"Wow," said a surprised Flannery. "How do you keep doing that?"

Marina pushed him away. "He's an asshole; ya don't wanna know!"

"Eh, okay... Now to battle! I'll be using a Slugma! FEAR ITS SLUGGINESS!"

"MY TESTICLES ARE MADE OUT OF LAVA!" spouted the Slugma, who was obviously a girl!

"And for a change of pace, I'm using Altaria! FEAR ITS...uh...CLOUDY EVILNESS!"

The Hummingbird sweatdropped. "Do I really have to do this?"

"YES! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I TAKE YOU TO KFC!"

_A great battle is about to begin! Cover your eyes, hold the children, and just hope you won't get caught in the carnage!

* * *

_

_**Afterwards!**_

"You know, I may consider moving here when I become a Pokémon Master!" sighed Marina, as they were back in the hot springs _again!_

"Yeah, it's really nice... if you can get over the crazy old naked people..." said the whore.

Marina scowled. "Oh yeah..."

And, as predicted, the loser appeared! "Um..."

"_**OH MY GOD, WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?"**_

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Brendan waved his hands in defense. And with that, he was gone! ...Well, he actually went to that bitter medicine shop place, but that's still the same thing!

Flannery looked at a conveniently-placed clock! "Aw, crud! Look at the time! I don't think we'll be able to fight today, Marina. Maybe we should go get some sleep."

"Oh, yeah?" she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I mean look at how_ dark_ it is! It must be, what, midnight?"

"Or maybe even later!" Flannery said, not catching the sarcasm. "Let's get some sleep."

"Okay, let's sleep in the hot tub."

"Marina, we can't do that!"

"Watch me."

_She pulled out a pillow, yawned and promptly went to bed!_

"Oh, cool!" Flannery did the same, pulling out a Numel plushie as a pillow and went to bed, as well!

* * *

_**The Next Day!**_

Brendan sweatdropped. "Okay... Are you two really going to fight now?"

"Brendan, what do I have to do to get you? Yes, okay? YES! WE _ARE_ FIGHTING NOW!"

"Just making sure..."

"Okay, Marina! Enough talk!" said the slut, waking up bright and early! "I'm going to fight you now with this here Torkoal!"

"I LIKE TRAINS! CHOO CHOOOOOOOOO!" honked the Torkoal!

"And I'm going to fight you with my Marshtomp, who will totally own you!"

"I can use Mud Shot now! Hooray!" danced Marshtomp.

_And thus, began the fiercest battle in the history of Lavaridge Town!

* * *

_

_**Five Minutes Later!**_

Flannery sank down in the hot spring! "You what? FUCK THIS! Take the damn thing and go! We're never gonna get around to fighting anyway!"

Marina took the Heat Badge, sarcastically muttering, "Oh, goodie. Another well-earned badge as my reward for fighting so diligently in the battlefield."

"Whatever. Hey, you wanna throw hot water on the old naked people and grab their dentures?"

Marina smirked. "Great minds think alike!"

"Ugh..." sighed Brendan. "Well, at least she got the stupid thing... Now we can..."

_He was suddenly interrupted as a very surprised and very naked Flannery jumped out the hot tub, for something in the water was glowing!_

"Wow, like I've never seen that before..." mumbled Marina, staying put.

_The glowing ceased and out popped a Wynaut!_

"OMFG!" she chirped. "I've just experienced a water birth! RAWK ON!"

"Whatever. Wanna procrastinate?"

"SURE!"

"Oh," Flannery hopped back in. "I see. It's only a Wynaut. False alarm. I thought it was an H-Bomb or something..."

* * *

_And so, ends another fantabulous day in the world of Hoenn! Marina now has a new partner on her team, she got the Heat Badge in what was probably the most delayed battle in the history of Lavaridge, and Brendan did absolutely nothing but be a pain in the ass for the entire chapter! I ASK YOU, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER THAN THIS? XD

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Before you get out your tomatoes, no, I DON'T think Flannery is a slut/whore/bitch/prostitute... She just dresses like one and acts all out of character, so... No offense to Canadian people with what Marina said earlier in the Chapter; it just sounded funny. I could've chosen anything at that point. Russia, France, Zimbabwe, Australia, Yugoslavia... _


	14. Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head!

_**Authoress' Notes:** The Diamond/Pearl Versions are fast approaching their due date, so I'm gonna finish this and perhaps make a sequel of the Pearl Version! It gets here in March and I think I'll be done by then._

_

* * *

_

**_Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!_**

_**Chapter 14:** Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head (And They're KILLING Me)! _

_

* * *

_

_After stopping off at the Pokemon Center to deposit her Pokemon, Marina now had Marshtomp, Wynaut, Zigzagoon, and for a chance of pace, Aron and Minun along with her! Brendan had... uh... the same Treecko and Taillow he's had since the story started... Um, yeah..._

"BRENDAN SHOULD BE SHOT FOR KILLING ORIGINALITY!" barked the Stupid Narrator.

Marina hit him with a flaming stick! _**"How many times do I hafta kick your ass before you go away? Damn!"**_

"Wow, get me that guy's number! Cuz _he_ speaks the truth!" clamored Wynuat.

* * *

_AND SO, THEY WERE OFF... uh... AGAIN! Yes, off! Off to Marina's sleazy dad's Gym in hopes of defeating him for a Balance Badge! Then after that... uh, well, they'd do something... Regardless, they went back to Dewford's beach to use Briney's boat and get back to Petalburg..._

"Yes!" Marina cheered. "Dad is so gunna get his ass totally kicked by me! Then maybe he'll start paying the bills around the house!"

"But he doesn't even live there anymore..." brought up Brendan.

"...Oh, well! Whatever! That doesn't mean I can't steal the money from him and use it on myself!"

"But..."

"SHUT UP AND GET ON THE DAMN BOAT!" she growled, kicking him onto Mr. Briney's vessel!

The old man was still obviously crazy! "Hooray! Let's sail the seven seas! **FOR A SECOND TIME!"**

"Whatever. Just get us there already," yawned Marina, taking out a dirty magazine, AS IT WAS FULL OF GRIME AND DUST.

"It's nice to see the sea's scenery again, huh?" commented the Mud Fish.

"Ooh! Look what I found!" Zigzagoon pulled out something that made Marshtomp sweatdrop! "LACK OF RHYMING SKILLS!"

"Wow, I've never been on a boat before!" Wynaut stopped to think, then added, "Come to think of it, I've never done ANY of this before! COOLIO!"

Aron glared at her. "...Don't ever say that again..."

_"I wish you'd all just **DIE!"**_ squawked Peeko.

"PIKACHU will make you die!" barked Minun.

* * *

_**ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** In 8 seconds flat, the ship docked near Route 104 and everybody got off, abeit minor brain damage, seasickness, attempted murder, debauchery, and other big words that no one can understand! Petalburg was just a skip, hop, and 18 wild Taillows away, so... They got there and stuff. _

Wynaut figured this was a good time as any to bring up something very important! "Y'know, we could've just gone through the Meteor Falls to get back here..."

"...You think you could do us all a big favor and tell us important stuff while we can still use it to our advantage?"

"I guess that's doable..."

Sighing a mushroom cloud, Marina burst into the Gym! "All right, Dad! I'm here to fight-- Huh?"

_Brendan looked around long and hard, calculated with the most modern technology, and sampled many unknown excretions until he finally came to a conclusion!_

"...I don't think anyone's in here..."

Aron rolled her eyes. "Wow, that was a hard one! Is there anything you _can't_ do?"

"This is bull! I bet he's in the back of the Gym, hiding from me! He always does that 'cause it takes him so long to wake up his Pokemon..."

"Like Torchics?" eagerly asked Zigzagoon.

Marina sweatdropped. "...Yeah, like Torchics..."

Brendan made a weird face. "...Who are you talking to?"

"Your mom, now leave me alone and look for anything suspicious!"

"PIKACHU is your mom!" ranted Minun!

"What about this sign on this door over here?" pointed out Marshtomp. "It says, 'You have to fight someone in here! Ya still wanna go in? XD'"

"What a weird-ass sign..." frowned Aron.

Marina nodded. "Couldn't have said it better myself..."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Zigzagoon jumped up and down in front of another door. "I found another sign and it says the same thing!"

"So, what do we do now?" asked the loser.

"We do the only thing a crazy Gym Leader's daughter would do in this type of situation!" Marina grabbed her misunderstood other and held him like a battering ram!_ "BLOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER AWAY!"_

Brendan laughed nervously. "Uh... I was thinking more of a non-violent procedure..."

_Apparently, Marina didn't hear him as she charged through the door and into another room with some guy and his very evil-looking Pokemon!_

**"MWAHAHAHAHA!" **laughed one of Norman's many, random assistants. "I am your first opponent, and you can't pass through until you beat my annoyingly annoying Wigglytuff!"

**"STFU!"** Marina continued to use Brendan as a battering ram and knocked down the door he was guarding!

"I am your second--"

"Nobody cares!"

"My--"

"Outta the way!"

_Finally getting to her dad's quarters, Marina threw Brendan into the wall with a victorious, if not somewhat creepy, roar!_

Aron raised an eyebrow. "What the hell was that all about?"

"I got carried away..."

"PIKACHU will carry you away!" laughed Minun!

Norman sweatdropped. "So, I see you're finally here."

"All right, Dad! I'm here to fight you and win back my dignity!"

"What?"

She shrugged. "Eh, I dunno... Just sounded cool to say..."

"Okay... and who's this guy?

"Uh... My name's Brendan..."

"...Right," Norman scratched his head. "Well... here's your badge!"

"Come again?"

"What, you mean you don't know? I'm giving you a Balance Badge."

"Dad, I'm supposed to fight you for it..."

"Yeah, I know, but after seeing you plow through 3 rooms with your hardheaded friend there, I decided to save us both a lot of time and just let you have the damn thing. You beat 4 other Gyms already, so what's one for free?"

Marina snickered as she took the badge. "Yeah... What _is _one for free?"

"Y'know, somehow I kinda knew that was gonna happen..." said Aron.

"I didn't!" beamed Wynaut.

Minun went into a laughing frenzy! "PIKACHU knows all!"

Marshtomp only sighed. "At least we can continue on to the next town now."

"Oh, yeah! Marina, you're wanted over at Wally's house by his parents," said the Gym Leader.

"Are they gonna give me any money?"

Norman scowled. "How the hell should I know?"

Marina started picking her ear nonchalantly. "Then I'm not going."

* * *

_**5 Minutes Later!**_

"I can't believe your dad chased us all the way over here with his Slaking..." coughed Brendan from all the running they did from the insanely powerful monkey-like... thing!

Marina sneered. "Dad can be rash when he's sober... or just plain pissed off..."

"PIKACHU can be rash when he's sober! _Or_ just plain pissed off!" intruded Minun, yet again.

"We're so glad you came to see us, as we have a girt for you!" smiled Wally's dad.

"Is it money?" asked the disgruntled girl.

"Nope, even better! It's the ability to use Surf, one of the greatest HMs ever created!" She handed her a CD with the HM data... uh... stuff on it.

"Uh... As you can plainly see, I have Marshtomp with me, and I'm pretty sure he knows how to swim..."

"Well, I can actually swim faster in mud, but..."

Marina knocked him over. "WHATEVER! You can still swim, so we don't need this piece of crap!"

"Oh!" intruded Wally's mom. "Didja know that can teach it to a ton of other Pokemon who shouldn't be able to swim if their life depended on it, but can anyway?"

"Like who?"

"Uh... Your Zigzagoon!" she pet the Tiny Raccoon. "It's such a cute one, that it is!"

"Eh..." Marina shrugged **AND THEN EVERYBODY DIED.**

_...Oh, wait. No, they didn't. They just left and somehow got back to Mauville without so much as taking one step in the other direction._

_

* * *

__And so, after** not **teaching Marshtomp how to surf because he inexplicably already knew how and after teaching Zigzagoon how to not swim, but **surf** in less than .000000005 seconds, Marina and friends continued on their way to... uh... wherever the hell they were going in the first place, which just happened yo be Fortree City! ...But they didn't know yet. __All of a sudden, Steven jumped out of the bushes!_

"Why hello, Marina! My, haven't you grown sexy?"

"Wrong; I've always been that way," she replied, strutting her stuff!

"Hey! That's a form of sexual harassment!" threatened Brendan. "I outta turn you in, you sick freak!"

Steven crossed his arms. "It's not a form of sexual harassment if she takes it as a compliment, loser!"

"Yeah, Brendan. Why don't you mind your own beeswax for once?"

"Meh..." Brendan showed his jealousy/frustration by going over to sulk near a tree, only to be attacked by a wild Manectric!

"Anyway, I came here to tell you that there's trouble ahead! For you're nearing the Weather Institute and very bad things have happened there!

"Fine, we'll just go around," Marina started walking the other way.

"You can't! Route 119 is the only way to get to Fortree City!"

"...Shit. Well, whatever. It can't be all _that _bad," she scoffed.

* * *

_**2.5 Seconds Later!**_

_Marina and Brendan were running for their lives through the ridiculous amount of bad weather, as it rained cats, dogs, kitchen sinks, bathtubs, elementary schools, and the occasional flaming cruise ship from a video game involving an evil Lugia that I told myself I wouldn't refer to, but here I am, doing it anyway!_

"I thought you said it wouldn't be all that bad!" screamed Brendan.

Marina kicked him in the face! "Shut up and keep running!"

"Wow, here I am, experiencing my first major, possibly fatal rainstorm ever!" cried Wynaut.

"WHY am I out here again?" demanded Aron from the flaming-cruise-ship-infested sky, only to be answered by a large Tropius falling from the sky!

"Ack!" she snarled, hitting the ground. "Stupid frequent flyer miles!"

**"TROPIUS: THE FRUIT POKEMON!"** shouted the P-dex.** "CRAZY, NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING, CITY-LIFE-DEPRIVED CHILDREN IN PANAMA AND INDONESIA ENJOY EATING THE BANANAS OFF ITS NECK BECAUSE IT'S THERE!"**

Marina sweatdropped. "Well, that's scary."

_So, she caught it because it was a rare freak of nature that was obviously the love child of a Meganium and a Yanma and everybody kept running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running AND SOMETIMES FALLING and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running until they finally reached a bridge with 2 Team Aqua/Mama guards... er... guarding it! ...More like trying to beat the shit outta each other..._

"Why the hell am I up here working with you, anyway?" snarled the Team Aqua person. "We're supposed to be mortal enemies!"

"Well, you have a bad taste in fashion!" spat the Team Magma person. "Who in their right mind would want to dress up and parade around as a **_pirate?"_**

Then Marina came running up! "Excuse me, but could you two_** GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY?"**_

Upon seeing her, the TM guy panicked. "Oh, shit! An intruder! Uh... **HEY! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T GO INTO THE STRANGE-LOOKING BUILDING OVER THERE!"**

"Yeah!" added the TA guy. **"THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT IT AT ALL!"**

Brendan raised an eyebrow. "Then, can you move so we can keep going?"

**"FORTREE CITY IS THE DEVIL!"** shouted the TM guy. **YOU CAN'T GO THIS WAY!"**

Marina smacked her lips and ran the other way. "Man, fuck this! I'm gonna go get a crowbar or somethin' and knock your asses out of way!"

_And so, everybody followed her towards the strange-looking building!_

"...Well," said the TM guy. "That went splendid, if I do say so myself."

_And he was answered by a gut-wrenching kick to the gallbladder!_

* * *

_Inside the WI, because I don't feel like typing the entire thing out, Marina decided to go upstairs and search for a crowbar! Unfortunately, all she found was a bunch of pissed off Team Magma/Aqua Grunts!_

"Look outside, dumbass!" shouted a TM person. "It's freaking rainin' outside! That means that Kyogre has become victorious!"

"NO! Kyogre doesn't even know it's raining! She has nothing to do with this!" shouted a TA person.

Team Magma Grunt #9859590-ASS frowned. "Since when was Kyogre a _girl?"_

"Hey! It's Team Magma/Aqua!" pointed out Brendan.

Marina obviously didn't care! "Do any of you fags have a crowbar I could possibly borrow?"

"Oh, sure! I got one right--" the TA person stopped as she realized something! "Hey! Intruder! We have fight her now with all of our scary, mostly non-Fire type Pokemon!"

"Us, too!" bellowed Team Aqua Grunt #9595, who grabbed a Poke Ball! "And all the while, we will also be using our scary, usually non-Water type Pokemon to fight her, and the inevitably lose!"

Aron rolled her eyes. "Has the gas leaked in here, or what?"

_What followed was a crazy, bloody, violent X-rated, hardcore, constantly-pushing-the-A-Button-to-get-it-all-over-with fight to the finish! __...Yeah, that's putting it bluntly..._

"Hooray!" Marina jumped into the air, somehow staying there for several minutes! "I beat the evil Team Aqua/Magma once again!"

Zigzagoon joined her! "And no one even really did anything! That's the beauty of this crap!"

Then, they turned their attention to the captives who nobody seemed to notice were there! "Help us, little girl! We're the forecasters and Team Magma/Aqua tied us all up because we lost to them in a battle of Rock, Paper, Scissors! You got to let us go!"

"...And what's in it for me?"

"Uh... We'll give you a Pokemon?"

"Meh..."

_And so, Marina took their Poke Ball, only to find out it was actually a..._

"WTF?

**"CASTFORM: THE WEATHER POKEMON!"** shouted the P-dex! **"THIS POKEMON HAS TO BE ONE OF THE MANY EXAMPLES THAT PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE ANYTHING RIGHT, DUE TO THEIR LACK OF MODERATE SCIENCE AND COMMON SENSE! OH, AND CASTFORMS CAN ATTACK BY BORING THEIR ENEMIES TO DEATH WITH THE WEATHER!"**

"'Sup?" said Wynaut.

"The SKY, that's what's up!" the scary Pokemon with a pair of conjoined eyes that obviously have no eyelids then rolled around on the... er... air... laughing his cloudy ass off!

Aron was_ not_ happy about this. "Great; Another loser joins our ranks..."

Wynaut was shocked! "There was a **_first one?"_**

Minun threw his head back and howled,_** "FFS, Lord Pikachu! FFS!"**_

_"HOORAY!"_ barked the happy-go-lucky Stupid Narrator! _"Now we got another asshole effin' up this piece'a crap story! Will Castform prove useful in Marina's gang? **Find out next time on Pokemon: Battle Frontier!"**_

Then, Marina came outta nowhere and slapped the fire outta him with a giant log!** "WRONG SHOW, DUMBASS!"**

_

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** I know Marina and Brendan passed the desert, but they'll come back later, so I didn't really skip anything. And "FFS" means "For fuck's sake!" to the uninformed._


	15. You Can't Fly! You Can't Fly!

_**Authoress' Notes:** I hate to say this, but Winona's actually my favorite Hoenn__ Gym Leader, despite the fact that it's not my place of choice when it comes to having a decent Pokemon adventure..._

_

* * *

_

_**Livin**__**' It Up in the Sapphire Version! ** _

**Chapter 15: **You Can't Fly! You Can't Fly! You Can't Fly!

* * *

Like always, the Stupid Narrator appeared! "Y HALLO THAR! It seems that today, Marina will now be violently thrown off a cliff so she can finally spread her wings and fall like the pitiful loser she is!" 

"The only pitiful loser around here is YOU!" bellowed Marina, shooting him off in a canon!

Aron shook her head. "I'm assuming that means we can start now..."

* * *

_After putting away the __Pikachu-crazy Minun and the slaphappy Wynaut__, Marina and Brendan left to seek out the next Gym! WHAT FUN._

"So, you're saying the next Gym Leader is named Winona and she's a total spaz?"

"And she has the creepiest hairstyle!" continued Brendan. "I mean, it's like... freaky! Like her ponytails are possessed! They stand straight up and she always wears these goggles! She's like Amelia Earhart on drugs!"

Marina stopped. "...Who's that?"

"To tell you the truth, I really don't know."

"And the sad part is I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing..."

"Ooh! Ooh! I know Winona! She has a cousin of mine!" interrupted Tropius.

Her Trainer sweatdropped. "That's nice."

* * *

_And so, they went to the Gym! But it was blocked by an __invisible video game pixel that prevented__ them from going any further! _

"WTF?" growled Marina. "Since when can real-life people be stopped by a stupid game pixel?"

"Since Bill Gates invented the Internet?" proposed Brendan.

She fingered her chin, somewhat disappointed. "Hmm... Good point."

* * *

_So, they decided to leave and blow up another town until they figured out a way to get to the Gym! On the way __across the bridge outside Fortree__, they met Steven, who was staring at the water for some reason!_

"Oh, not you again..." groaned Brendan. "Don't you have some prostitutes to pick up in a convertible somewhere?"

"Actually I do, but they won't help me pay for gas money, so now they walk!" he then proceeded to laugh! ...Very scarily, I might add!

"Okay, so what're you doing?" asked Marina.

"I was on my way to Lilycove to take a break from stalking-- er, training and was blocked by this strange, invisible video game pixel that prevented me from going any further!"

Castform sweatdropped. "...I could've sworn I just heard someone say that..."

Aron slapped him! "Shut up! The man's talking!"

"Sooooo..." he pulled out a pair of funny-looking glasses. "I got these to find the fiend! These will locate the source of the problem, for sure!"

Brendan raised an eyebrow. "Then why haven't you used them yet?"

"I feel the impending doom is something that only Marina can deal with! I shall give her the glasses so she may see not only this, but the fiend's brother, who happens to be blocking her from entry at the Fortree Gym!"

She took the glasses. "This is totally bull, but I'm willing to do it for the sake of because I want to."

_Marina used the glasses and saw a __Kecleon__ blocking off the entire bridge, despite the fact he was only about 3 feet tall and 40-something pounds! He was standing completely still in a weird position, a stupid look on his face!  
_  
"I see it!" she pointed.

"Me, too!" Zigzagoon then promptly jumped off the bridge, grabbing a piece of toilet paper in the water! "Boo-yah! I totally found this!"

**"KECLEON: THE COLOR SWAP POKEMON!"** shouted the P-dex!** "THIS LITTLE FREAK IS ABLE TO CHANGE COLOR, BUT THE MAGIC MARKER STRIPE ON HIS STOMACH NEVER DISAPPEARS, SO YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND HIM! IT PRETTY MUCH DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF BLENDING IN WITH HIS SURROUNDINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE!"  
**  
"Crap," muttered the Kecleon.

Marina then caught it because of all the inappropriate things it could do for her! "You know, I'm starting to wonder if catching rare Pokemon is really all it's cracked to to be..."

"Why?" asked Aron. "The same principles don't apply to you anyway, so who cares?"

Marina gave her a sweet high five! _"YOU MUST BE **THE** SMARTEST STEEL/ROCK TYPE POKEMON IN THE WORLD!"_

Steven thought she was talking about him! "Yes, I am pretty smart aren't I?"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I really feel like I'm missing the big picture."

* * *

_Okay... So, after having to not completely and totally destroy the next town, Marina and Brendan eventually went back to __Fortree City. They took Steven's advice and used the glasses to find another Kecleon blocking their path, scaring it away with poorly-done Spanish homework! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! After that, they got in, only to find out the entire Gym was made up of stupid turnstiles that made this retarded little "plink" noise every time you so much as freakin' breathed on them and would take forever to get past and the dumbass Trainers on the other side were just waiting and laughing at you as you made the wrong turn and had to fight their dumbass__ Pokemon that would eventually make you leave the Gym to heal, then you'd have to come back and **DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! MY GOD!**_

"What's this?" asked Marshtomp. "This is supposed to be a Flying-type Gym?"

Marina crossed her arms. "Tell me about it. This is more like 'The Pokemon Gym for Losers Who Spend Way Too Much Time at the Movies Looking for Their Tickets to Get In'. I mean, what the fuck do turnstiles have to do with flying?"

"Maybe it's more of an aerodynamic thing," suggested Tropius.

Aron sneered. "Aerodynamic, my ass."

"Ooh, I found Aerosmith!" announced Zigzagoon, only to find out it had nothing to do with the matter at hand!

"Shit," said Kecleon.

"Well, I guess we'd better get started," sighed Brendan.

Marina hopped onto Tropius' back. "Yeah, right! We'll just fly over everything! This is a Flying-type Gym, after all."

"But that's only because Winona specials in that type..." he meekly reminded her.

Our demented little hero somehow tied him to Tropius' back legs! "JUST FOR THAT, YOU'RE RIDING SHOTGUN!"

* * *

_Skwee! They flew over the rainbow, the sun, the moon and the stars, past countless galaxies and even saw a black hole, or 2 before coming to land before Winona, who seemed to be wearing an Altaria suit!_

"AH HA! Don't think I just didn't see you do that!" she snarled.

"IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!" Marina slammed Brendan on the ground! "HE MADE ME DO IT!"

The Gym Leader obviously didn't care, as she went on to proclaim, "My name is Winona and I shall one day grow wings and taste the cotton candy clouds up above!"

"Uh, you DO know that clouds are made of water and have no taste, flavor, or texture whatsoever, right?" said Castform.

Winona threw her hands up! **"SILENCE!"**

Brendan raised a finger. "But we didn't say--"

"YOU SHALL FIGHT ME TO THE DEATH FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" she called on her Tropius! "SIC 'EM, BOY!"

_POOF! Out came a __Tropius_

"I shall now use Aerial Ace!" he barked. "It's an attack that I learned from Winona because she has the TM, but nobody else does, so that kinda makes it a little unfair!"

"...Did we really need to know that?" Castform looked around for an answer.

Marina's Tropius suddenly became excited. "Oh, look who it is! Hi, George! Long time, no see! Remember me? Huh? Huh?"

"Eh?" 'George' squinted at her, then smiled. "Ah, Peaches! My little cousin! I see someone finally managed to catch your sorry ass, huh?"

'Peaches' sweatdropped and cut her eyes. "It was my damn frequent flyer miles again..."

"What is this? It seems that my Tropius know your Tropius! REMARKABLE!"

"Huh, I guess she wasn't lying," said Marshtomp.

_Just then, Aron started glowing! POOF! Congratulations! Your Aron has __evolved into a Lairon_

"Hey!" Lairon looked at herself. "Now, how did _that_ happen?"

"I guess through all the disappointment of not fighting anyone, you actually gained enough strength to evolve!" said Zigzagoon.

"Well, it sure makes up for the lack of decent Gym Leader fighting..."

"Blarg," said Kecleon.

"REMARKABLE!" Winona jumped 20 feet into the air, only to come crashing down and nearly break a leg! "Your Aron evolved into a Lairon without killing anybody in the process!"

Marina shrugged. "Yeah, that's usually my job."

"Whether it's your job or not, I find it amazing! AND STELLAR, LIKE THE SKY! Therefore, I give you this badge with no hard feelings!"

"Gee, thanks," said her opponent, with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Can we leave now?" moaned Castform. "This place is giving me a rash..."

* * *

_Due to the fact that __Castform's constant complaning was getting on her nerves, Marina deposited him the second they Winona's Gym! ...And then they left Fortree, deciding to come back and burn it all down later. Then, they went on to the next town, keeping a very sharp eye out for anymore strange, invisible video game pixel that prevented__ them from going any further!_

"Do you really think we're gonna run across another one of those things again?" asked the loser with a level 5 Treecko and Tailow.

"Don't know, don't care," Marina replied, riding on her new Lairon.

_All of a sudden, an __Absol__ walked out of the bushes!_

**"ABSOL: THE DISASTER POKEMON!"** shouted the P-dex! **"THIS GUY IS SAID TO BRING DISASTER AND MISFORTUNE TO ALL WHO SEE IT, BUT THAT'S JUST A LOAD OF CRAP! DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S ALSO SAID TO LIVE IN THE TALLEST MOUNTAINS AND YET, THEY'RE FOUND AROUND HERE! WTF?"**

"I am Absol and I have no idea why I live here," he said, as if it were some kind of serious movie dialogue!

"Of course you don't," Marina sighed as she caught it.

"Wow," Brendan sweatdropped. "That was strange."

"...Let's get out of here before you start thinking of even more ways to annoy me."

* * *

The Stupid Narrator held up a buncha piecesa paper! "FLYERS! _FLYERS!_ WHY ON EARTH DO THEY CALL THEM FLYERS IF THEY'RE MEANT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT STUFF WHILE THEY READ THEM **ON THE GROUND?** I SWEAR I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HUMANS!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Fans of the show will notice at one point, I was making fun of that one judge fron the Pokemon Contests. Yes, I am that pathetic. _

_...I like __Absols, leave me alone! XP _


	16. Team Magma Strikes Back for a Third

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, this is my last update of 2006, so why not let it be one of a mentally-disturbed girl and her weird guy friend traveling Hoenn for no apparent reason, battling stupid people with their somewhat smart aleck Pokemon?_

* * *

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 16:** Team Magma Strikes Back for a Third 1/4 of a Time!_

* * *

Here he is again! The Narrator! "TA-DA! I feel that the end is near, but of what, I'm not exactly sure! Oh well!" 

"The one whose end is near is yours!" Marina growled, bashing the weirdo Narrator into next week... or year... or day... Or something...

"Time is not only confusing, but also very overrated... It should stop soon," sighed Absol.

Lairon rolled her eyes. "Try telling that to anime..."

* * *

"So, we're going to Lilycove?" asked Brendan, as he looked at a map they shouldn't even have in the first place. 

Marina rolled her eyes. "Duh. That's where the next Gym is, right?"

"Actually, according to this, Lilycove doesn't have a Gym..."

"THEN LILYCOVE OFFICIALLY SUCKS ASS!" she blurted out, fire in her eyes!

"...But, it _does _have a giant shopping mall..."

"Oh. Really? Then, it doesn't suck as bad..."

_All of a sudden, they came across a gang of Team Magma Guys! ...Oh, and Maxie was there, too, I guess... _

"Team Magma!" said the leader. "We shall now go to that big pointy thing over there, for I feel it's very important to our quest in flushing out Kyogre!"

"Why?" asked Team Magma Guy #LOL.

"Uh... er... well... BECAUSE! Now, let's go! Oh, and don't pay any mind to those kids, their bubbly Zigzagoon, moderate Tropius, placid Marshtomp, wise Absol, eccentric Kecleon, and obnoxious Lairon, for they will only delay us in our super-cool quest to destroy/rule/save/mess up the world!"

_And off they went, in very long and fast strides!_

"Well, that seemed incredulous," said Tropius.

Marina gave her a scowl that only a 10-year-old with breast implants could! "...What?"

"Freak," said Kecleon.

Lairon shot him a look. "Can't you ever say more in a sentence than one syllable words?"

"Blah."

"Think we should chase 'em?"

"No, Brendan, I_ don't_ think we should chase them. I think we should let them run away and do whatever the hell they want so that one day, every living thing on this stinkin' planet will be forced to bow down to their dominating, if not questionable power. I think that's what we should do."

"...Really?"

_**"NO!"**_ Marina kicked him in the ass! "MY GOD! EVER HEARD OF THE WORD_** 'SARCASM'?!"** _

**

* * *

**

Wow! It seems Marina has a strange sense of humor! ...Either that, or we're all just stupid. ...Oh, well. Anyway, they followed Team Magma to Mt. Pyre, ran up to the strangely smokey summit and then, **STUFF HAPPENED!**

'Sup, doods?!" said a random Vulpix that happened to appear out of nowhere because I like them. "I own this peace of land, so U better hightale it on out of hear befour I call my posse on U!"

"Ugh," Absol scoffed. "Your vocabulary is atrocious."

"And it's not all that good, either," added Zigzagoon.

"True," said Kecleon.

"I concur," agreed Marina, as she caught the Vulpix. And since she already has 6 Pokemon, the little vulpine was transferred to a Pokemon Center! OMG! That hasn't happened since Chapter 5! **ORIGINALITY IS FAST APPROACHING!**

"Hey, isn't that Team Magma right over there?" pointed Brendan, somehow getting back to the matter at hand.

"Mwahahahahaha!" laughed Maxie. "Now that I've finally reached the summit, I'm gonna take this red rock so that we can totally cheat at Rock, Paper, Scissors with Kyogre! She'll be humiliated! She'll be mortified! She'll start shopping at K-Mart! AND THEN WE WILL REIGN SUPREME!"

"But what about Groudon?" asked Team Magma Guy #5i813.

"He will ALSO start shopping at K-Mart! I hear they have one of those Blue Light Special thingies going on! And when they run into each other, they'll find out there's only one box of Kleenex tissue left, because we bought all the rest! Then, they'll fight each to the death and we'll attack 'em with these rocks and then they'll both be ours for the taking!"

"Okay... he lost me at K-Mart..." whispered Team Magma Guy #0000009 to Team Magma Guy #-4837.

"Ya'll betta put that Orb back, or DEATH SHALL CONTROL YOUR LIVES AND NINJAS WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN!" said some Old Lady.

"Oh, yeah? Well, death can't control your life if you're dead, and I've never scored with a girl, so THERE! How'd you like them apples, HUH?!"

_And with that, they ran away! What? Like they could do anything else?_

"The freaks have taken the Red Orb! The one of Groudon! Without it and the Blue Orb together, the world will end, calamities will befall us all, and Wal-Mart will no longer have everyday low prices!" bellowed the Old Man.

Absol was horrified!_** "OH NO!"**_

"What's with the old geezers?" whispered Marina to that weird guy with white hair, as if the old folks couldn't see her.

"Ya got me..."

The old lady hacked. "Heh heh! This here be the peek'a Mt. Pyre, teh tallest place in Hoenn!"

Brendan frowned. "'Teh' isn't a word..."

Zigzagoon scoffed. "Yeah, right. It's just some big, dumb mountain. Mt. Chimney's better than this and I've never even lived there!"

Lairon sweatdropped. "You amaze me with your stupidity."

"There is a tale behind it," she continued. "Ya wanna hear it?"

"No," Marina bluntly answered.

The Old Man went on, regardless! "Once upon a time, a long time ago, Groudon and Kyogre had a disagreement! After much thought on how to settle this dispute, they decided to have a rousing game of Rock, Paper, Scissors!"

Brendan was stupefied! ...Like that's a big change. **"...That doesn't make any sense at all!"**

"If Groudon and Kyogre had a disagreement, why didn't they just fight for it?" asked Marina.

"And how can they play that if Kyogre doesn't have any hands?" asked Lairon. "...Well, I think she has fingers, but..."

"And how'd you know all this stuff?" Zigzagoon smirked. "I totally can't find info like _that_ around here!"

The crazy Old Lady threw her arms up! _**"SILENCE!"**_

_And they all shut their traps!_

"Yea... Well, like I was saying, the two had a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors that lasted for over a thousand years because they kept getting the same thing!"

"That's horrible!" voiced Marshtomp.

"Yeah!" agreed the Old Man, although I don't know how, since he can't understand Pokemon! "And the worse part is that they finally had to call it a stalemate, due to the world undergoing some weird changes!"

"And also because Rayquaza told them so," added the Old Lady. "He was tired of watching them both lose."

"Well, what're we supposed to do now?" questioned Marina.

The Old Lady handed her the Blue Orb. "Go forth! Go forth and stop those evil bastards from taking over the world like good, little children should!"

Lairon looked at Absol. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Pfft," said Kecleon.

Tropius threw her arms/legs into the air in frustration, which is kinda odd, since she's a quadruped! "Don't you ever have anything important to say?!"

"No."

Marina made a face. "...Alrighty then, I feel that was a complete waste of time, but whatever!"

"Yeah!" Zigzagoon grabbed the Blue Orb. "And I finally found something of value: this here Blue Orb!"

"Well, actually, they gave that to us," corrected Absol.

She shrugged. "Meh. Same diff."

Kecleon rolled his eyes. "Douche."

* * *

"WHAT IS THIS INSANITY?!" barked the Stupid Narrator, as he realized he was mentally unfit for this world. "For the SECOND time in a row, the script has fallen short of fitting the bill! At this rate, we'll never actually get to the Elite Four, which is weird, because I don't think Marina was even aiming for that in the first place! OMG1!"

"Shut up!" Marina sent him off to Mars with a mallet! "What I do, how I do it, and when I do it is none of your business! ...I when I say that, I'm not talking about sex! I'm still a virgin, freak!"

Then, Brendan popped up! "Or _is she?"_

_And he was mauled beyond being mauled in a way that would make one sick till the Miltanks came home from knitting!_

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes: **...I apologize about that last few parts. I was pressed for time and chocolate milk made me _hallucinate_. Also, sorry for the shortness. I guess you can kinda say this and last chapter were two-parters. I wanted a fresh clean start in Lilycove, so yeah. See you halfwits next year! _


	17. The Most Secret Hideout Base EVER!

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Wow, been a while since I've seen this one, but hey! At least I'm still going through with it. Perseverance is awesome._

* * *

_**Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!**_

_**Chapter 17:**__ The Most Secret Hideout Base EVER!_

* * *

POOF! The ever-popular, ever-hated Stupid Narrator appeared on the scene! "Hey, kids! I'd just like to say--!"

Marina flung him into the nearby nameless ocean of Hoenn. "'ey, yo! Step off!"

"Where does that guy keep coming from?" asked Tropius, looking around. "Really. That guy's starting to freak me out."

Lairon scoffed. "Only just now? Wow, I envy your tolerance..."

* * *

_HUZZAH! Now, that our heroes have finally entered Lilycove City, maybe they can finally take a break from all this ruthless fighting! Seriously, it's been brutal, horrible, mind-numbing! I don't see how thehy can stand it..._

"Hey, Marina!" laughed the human idiot known as Brendan. "Let's have a battle! We've haven't done that in a while, and it'll be fun!"

She scowled. "No."

"Aw, c'mon! Please! Just for practice!"

"Against what? You can't do crap!"

"Yes, I can! Please?!"

"Fine!" she growled, sending out Lairon. "Jeez, go and kick his ass already!"

"Go get 'em, Treecko!" demanded Brendan, sending out said Pokémon.

"Hack!" Treecko coughed and died!

Marina frowned. "Hooray, I win..."

"Ah! You just got lucky, but I'll beat you next time!" proclaimed Brendan, as if it were no deal. And it was, too! The bastard!

"Well, managed to kill about 4.495 seconds," said Marshtomp. "Now what?"

"Whaadya mean, 'now what?'?" Marina got into a stance. "Now, we go shopping until we drop! ...Ing."

Brendan sweatdropped. "Um, uh oh. I'm sorry. I forgot to mention that this shopping mall here's only for Pokémon... Can't buy anything for yourself, really..."

Marina body slammed him almost as well as a Pokémon could! "YOU ASS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT EARLIER?!"

He twitched. "...Guess it just, er, slipped my mind?"

She kicked his mangled body. "Sucks for you then."

Zigzagoon rejoiced. "Ooh, lookit what I found! A dead body! This must be my best job yet!"

"Man, this place BLOWS!" screeched Marina. "And you know another place that blows? Slateport! That place can kiss my ass!"

"And even that would be too good for it!" added Lairon, despite not even remembering a speck of the place!

"Damn straight, so let's go there now and invoke our wrath upon it!"

"Why?" asked the monotonous Kecleon.

"Why not?!"

He shrugged. "Whatev."

* * *

_WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH! And so, they used Tropius to get to Slateport, possibly to blow it up, or some shit... While there, Marina realized she had a Vulpix just waiting to be exploited, so she exchanged Kecleon for her! And nobody cared! HOORAY!_

"Okay!" Marina stood dominant near the dock... thing. "All right, time to blow this shit up, 'cuz it bites big wind!"

"I thought you said it could kiss your ass..." meekly reminded Brendan.

"SILENCE, YOU!" Marina knocked him into next week... but someone there threw him back! "Behold! My ultimate plan of DOOM!"

Captain Stern, who just happened to be nearby for no particular reason, covered his ears. "For cryin' out loud, care to turn it down a bit? I'm trying to leave my awesome, easily-stealable submarine alone for a few minutes so I can parade around like an idiot for all to see!"

The girl sweatdropped. "You really need to find another hobby."

No sooner had she said that, Archie's voice barked over a megaphone. "MWAHAHAHA! FOOLS! You can't even begin to stop us now! We've just stolen this really awesome sub, and we're gonna go sit in out secret hideout for an undetermined amount of time until we're ready to go to Kyogre's house! Magma ain't got nothin' on this!"

Stern was obviously shocked. "Goodness gracious! Who on earth was that?!"

"It's that idiot Archie again, stealing your shit!" shouted Marina, a little more concerned about that tidbit than about what was happening.

"WHAT?! He is?! Aw, crap! Quick, to the docks!"

"We're already at the docks!" spat Lairon.

Stern didn't understand her, but it was almost as if he did. "WHAT'RE YOU SAYING?!"

Someone was about to get an asswhopping when said stolen submarine charged by, Archie honking the horn! ...Why a sub has a horn to even honk at people is anyone's guess...

Marshtomp shrugged. "Well, so much for that..."

Stern shrugged. "Oh, well. Even though all these random spectators obviously witnessed such a crime in action and we could probably call the police or something, we may as just pretend this never even happened."

Marina nodded. "Good idea."

Brendan blinked. "Wait a sec. Didn't he say they were going back to their secret hideout somewhere?"

Zigzagoon frowned. "Oh, even though I'm master at finding things, I don't think I'd ever be able to find something that hidden!"

Vulpix agreed. "She be rite, ya know?! Wee might as well jus go and reck up teh hole place, and when eye say 'teh hole place', I meen Lillycove!"

Tropius turned her head. "Why?"

"_**Because it sucks!"**_ bellowed Marina.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Absol. "If Lilycove's such a terrible town, that's most likely where their hideout is. You know, to escape your wrath, and stuff."

"Sounds like a plan!" Marina tightened a fist. "Let's go back to Lilycove and blow it to smithereens! We might even find their stinkin' hideout and do the same to it!"

* * *

_And so, everyone flew back to the detestable Lilycove! Wow, what a complete and utter waste of time that commute was..._

Marina was pumped. "All right! Let's teach this city a thing or two about what it means to be a kickass place, with both an actual mall and Gym!"

"Don't you think we should be looking for Team Aqua's hideout?" reminded Brendan.

She shook her head. "Brendan, when're you ever gonna get tired of being wrong? That place is probably underground, full of guards, booby traps, and all sorts of other crap like that, and frankly, I don't feel like messing with them right now... or ever again, as a matter of fact."

"Heh," snorted Lairon. "She said 'booby'..."

"Actually, I don't think you have to!" said Zigzagoon, pointing. "Because I just found it!"

_Everyone looked to see the large rock formation that no one seemed to notice or care about now had "WELCOME, TEAM AQUA MEMBERS! THIS IS OUR OFFICIAL, EVIL HIDEOUT OF DOOM, BUT DON'T TELL ANYBODY!" plastered on front the insanely-decorated doorway._

"...Well, that was easy," awkwardly coughed Absol.

"It's times like this you have to wonder how they got this organization started in the first place..." muttered Tropius.

* * *

_**Inside the hideout!**_

"Okay," whispered Brendan, everyone sitting behind some boxes near the entrance, "now, I'm pretty sure this place is crawling with guards, executives, and unimportant people who were just paid to stand around and look scary, but if we proceed carefully and cautiously, we may be able to..."

"BUST A CAP UP THEIR ASS!" exclaimed Marina, she and Lairon knocking out two guards.

"Aah! Wait, no! What're you doing?!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh my god, what is it now? Why's everything gotta be so negative for you?"

"Y-you just knocked out some guards!"

"So?"

"Well, I think someone's gonna come up and notice sooner or later!"

"You do realize 'sooner or later' pretty much means 'never' to these guys, right?"

He sweatdropped. "...Uh, didn't really think of that, but..."

Just then, another Team Aqua dude came up. "HEY, YOU! Stop right there! Don't move!"

_Tropius decided that was her cue to fall out of the sky and crush—er, knock him out, too!_

Marina beamed. "Aw, right on! I think you might've killed him!"

Brendan threw his arms up. "Like that's a good thing?!"

Everyone looked at him blankly, causing him to sweatdrop once more.

"All right, well, maybe it is..."

* * *

GASP! Could it be Brendan's actually beginning to form a brain?! ...All right, well, that's a bit of a stretch, but now's not the time to be pessimistic! Why? Oh, probably because Marina and the others completely tore up the place, KOing and/or possibly killing anyone who got it their way. Yep, all that and a bag of chips... and dip! Why, I'm inclined to say that's a very good reason! A VERY GOOD ONE INDEED! Regardless of all the good vibes flying about, it all came to an abrupt end as they finally found Archie!

"Ah-ha!" Marina thrust a finger at him. "Now, we've got you corned, you... you... wannabe pirate, you!"

At this, Archie looked hurt. "Aw, now that was cold! And why're you kids here, anyway? How did you get here, anyway?! I thought no one would ever find this place in a million trillion years!"

"Has anyone ever told you exactly how to make a hideout?"

He hung his head. "...No..."

She scoffed. "Oh, well, see, there ya go."

"No matter! Since you've discovered us, once again, we'll simply run away... once again!"

Lairon huffed. "Well, that's a pussy move."

Brendan looked disappointed. "Aw, you're not even gonna fight us or anything? No threats? No evil laugh? Nothing?"

Vulpix pouted. "U guys R the worse bad guys ever!"

"Ah, who cares, anyway? We're late for a very important meeting with Kyogre, and we'll never hear the end of it if we don't get there in a reasonable amount of time with the tissue!"

"...And the Red Orb we're supposed to get back from you?" added Marina.

"Huh?" He waved it off. "Oh, yeah, uh, that thing, too."

_With that, he randomly jumped into the water and sailed away in the sub, which was underwater throughout the whole ordeal! Now, how the hell did he get in there while the thing was still submerged?_

"Oh no! They got away!" Brendan waved his arms about. "Quick! Somebody do something!"

Marina scoffed. "Like what? I'm done with their asses. You really think these idiots'll really do some damage? Even you're more threatening than they are!"

"In my defense, I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment..."

"If you're seriously that desperate for my approval of your existence, you're sorely mistaken. Or in denial. Hell, it's probably a little bit of both."

"Uh, can we get out of here now?" questioned Marshtomp, covering his nose. "All the pwned guards around here are starting to stink up the place."

His trained nodded. "Yeah. Nothing else we can do here. Let's fucking blow this pop stand."

"And do what?" asked Absol. "I think you already established how much you hate this place, so staying here's out of the question."

"Next town, no duh! And it better have a Gym, or I'll be forced to burn it to the ground."

Zigzagoon's tail lowered. "Aw, and no destruction for this place?"

She pet her. "Hey, we killed about 84,904 guards in here! That's almost as good!"

She suddenly perked up. "Hey, that's right! Hooray for homicide!"

"That's right! Always remember that, and we'll take over the world way before those Aqua/Magma losers will! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_Brendan was about to say something else logical, but he decided against it, still down in the dumps from their lame, forgettable encounter with Archie._

* * *

The Stupid Narrator reemerged from the water, riding on one of Team Aqua's trained Wailmer. "ALL RIGHT! So, the evil team that is Aqua has been vanished once again, and I just found a new buddy!"

"No, they haven't, and I'm not your buddy, guy!" growled the ball whale thingy, turning over to squish him in the water.

"Ooh, good job, Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #78!" congratulated Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #894! "That's showing him who's boss!"

Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #35 also celebrated. "Yeah, good show! I couldn't have done if I tried, and that's exactly why I didn't!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ All right, not much happened, but hey, I'm almost certain it wasn't supposed to! Just call it a hunch..._


End file.
